Heartwarming pictures

Panic room?

What she said

This video is in Russian, but it's hilarious just the same.

That will teach him

Having a bad day

Mrsgunka sent me these, with a note: "I just loved these! Why did so many remind me of TW? :-)"

Thank you, MrsG.

First you had trouble getting out of bed 

You had a stiff neck

You felt like you had a hangover and you weren't even drinking last night 

Your new diet really doesn't seem to be working out

You pulled a muscle when you tried to exercise 

Your new hat looked better on you at the store

You keep losing things

You feel like you're always in the wrong place at the wrong time

The boss chewed you out at work

You got caught in the rain at lunchtime

Then the lunch you had didn't seem to agree with you

You feel trapped

Uninvited guests showed up at dinnertime

On top of that you think you're coming down with the flu

And finally, you're alone in the house at night when you
think you hear a noise in the basement

A day at the races

View sent us this excellent joke and he thought Amy would like it... Thanks, View.

A group of Kentucky second, third, and fourth graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to Churchill Downs, the famous Louisville race track, to see and learn about thoroughbred horses.
                         

When it was time to take the children to the bathroom, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.

The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.

Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the boys up, one by one.

As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, "You must be in the fourth grade."

He replied, "No, ma'am, I'm riding Silver Arrow in the 7th race."

[My laptop is playing up and won't let me upload photos to the blog. The blogger application on the iPad is very limited, so I can't format the post properly. I'm a bit anal about the look of the posts and I'm not a happy bunny!]

With age comes wisdom.

The guys were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Jack because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

The first guy slept with Jack and came to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you?

He said, "Jack snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."

The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot.

They said, "Man, you look awful!" He said, "That Jack shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night."

The third night was Fred's turn. Fred was a tanned, older guy, a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "Good morning!" he said. They couldn't believe it. They said, "Man, what happened?"

He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Jack into bed, patted him on the butt, and kissed him good night. Jack sat up and watched me all night."

Turenne

Turenne is classed as one of the most beautiful villages in France. It's a well deserved accolade. The atmosphere is hard to describe. Once inside the walls, it feels like you're in the past. There are no cars and the village is very well preserved. The view from the top of the tower is quite spectacular.

Now we step inside the village:

And we finish with the view:

A star is born

Today is Star's birthday. Lets' have cakes and a few laughs. Most of the clips in the video are very funny and Star should like them, as an animal lover... Happy birthday, dear friend.

Make sure you have the sound on.

Dog paddle

This photo is so lovely...

The affairs

GrannyJ sent as a batch of jokes about infidelity. They're quite good! Thank you, GJ.

A married man is having an affair

With his secretary.

One day they went to her place

And made love all afternoon.

Exhausted, they fell asleep

And woke up at 8 PM.

The man hurriedly dressed

And told his lover to take his shoes

Outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.

He put on his shoes and drove home.

'Where have you been?' his wife demanded.

'I can't lie to you,' he replied,

'I'm having an affair with my secretary..

We had sex all afternoon.'

She looked down at his shoes and said:

'You lying bastard!

You've been playing golf!'

***********

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters

But always talked about having a son.

They decided to try one last time

For the son they always wanted.

The wife got pregnant

And delivered a healthy baby boy.

The joyful father rushed to the nursery

To see his new son.

He was horrified at the ugliest child

He had ever seen.

He told his wife: 'There's no way I can

Be the father of this baby.

Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!

Have you been fooling around behind my back?'

The wife smiled sweetly and replied:

'No, not this time!'

************

A mortician was working late one night.

He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz,

About to be cremated,

And made a startling discovery.

Schwartz had the largest private part

He had ever seen!

'I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,' the mortician

Commented, 'I can't allow you to be cremated

With such an impressive private part.

It must be saved for posterity.'

So, he removed it,

Stuffed it into his briefcase,

And took it home.

'I have something to show

You won't believe,' he said to his wife,

Opening his briefcase.

'My God!' the wife exclaimed,

'Schwartz is dead!'

************

A woman was in bed with her lover

When she heard her husband

Opening the front door.

'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.'

She rubbed baby oil all over him,

Then dusted him with talcum powder.

'Don't move until I tell you,'

She said. 'Pretend you're a statue.'

'What's this?' the husband inquired

As he entered the room..

'Oh it's a statue,' she replied.

'The Smiths bought one and I liked it

So I got one for us, too.'

No more was said,

Not even when they went to bed.

Around 2 AM the husband got up,

Went to the kitchen and returned

With a sandwich and a beer.

'Here,' he said to the statue, 'have this.

I stood like that for two days at the Smiths

And nobody offered me a damned thing..'

************

A man walked into a cafe,

Went to the bar and ordered a beer.

'Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent.'

'One Cent?' the man exclaimed...

He glanced at the menu and asked:

'How much for a nice juicy steak

And a bottle of wine?'

'A nickel,' the barman replied.

'A nickel?' exclaimed the man.

'Where's the guy who owns this place?'

The bartender replied:

'Upstairs, with my wife.'

The man asked: 'What's he doing upstairs

With your wife?'

The bartender replied:

'The same thing I'm doing

To his business down here.'

************

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

He looked up and said weakly:

'I have something I must confess.'

'There's no need to, 'his wife replied.

'No,' he insisted,

'I want to die in peace..

I slept with your sister, your best friend,

her best friend, and your mother!'

'I know,' she replied.

'Now just rest and let the poison work.'

Let's go for a walk

Peter and I went on one of our walks and decided to video it instead of taking still shots. As you can see, I'm not terribly steady with the camera, but hey, it's the thought that counts...



There's an interesting site on this walk, Le Rocher des Folles (The Rock of the Crazy Women). I went all the way there on another occasion, but didn't have my camera. I didn't fancy getting on the dodgy path again to film it, so I googled some images. According to one legend, the rock got its name when a mother protested about her daughter being sacrificed to the god of the river and was thrown into the river together with her daughter... Another version says that young women would throw themselves into the Vézère to avoid being deflowered by their masters when they tried to enforce the droit du seigneur - a legal right allowing the lord of a medieval estate to take the virginity of his serfs' maiden daughters.

The path looks innocent, but it's very downhill on
the way to the Rocher and quite slippery as well.

I didn't go to the edge to have a look at the river. I'm scared of heights!

This is the part of the river where the young women would meet their destiny.

We reckon the first version is the sanitized one, which can be found in the tourism office's leaflet for young people.

It must be a petunia

I saw this on I can has cheezburger and thought of all of us groaners.

It's party time!

Today it's our dear View's birthday. I selected some jokes and a cake to celebrate the occasion. It's an emotional day, even the cake is in tiers!

Happy Bird day, View!

Two cannibals meet one day. The first cannibal says, "You know, I just can't seem to get a tender Missionary. I've baked them, I've roasted them, I've stewed them, I've barbecued them, I've tried every sort of marinade. I just cannot seem to get them tender."

The second cannibal asks, "What kind of Missionary do you use?"

The other replied, "You know, the ones that hang out at that place at the bend of the river. They have those brown cloaks with a rope around the waist and they're sort of bald on top with a funny ring of hair on their heads."

"Ah, ha!" the second cannibal replies. "No wonder... those are friars!"

********

A lady was filling her tank at a gas station, smoking a cigarette, even though all the signs say not to. The fumes that came out of the gas tank ignited, severely burning her hands. But it also lit up her arm, too! Instead of rolling on the ground to put it out, she panicked. She took off running down the street.

A police car was at the intersection where it happened and he tried to stop her to put out her arm, but she just kept running and screaming. All the officer could think of doing was to shoot her. This took everyone by surprise. The officer ran over to her and put the fire out, then called for an ambulance.

When questioned about his course of action to stop her, the officer said, "My only thought was to stop her. After all, she was waving a fire-arm."

*********

A bounty hunter rode into town one morning and went into the Sheriff's office. "Anyone with a price on his head round these parts?" asked the Bounty Hunter.

"Well," said the Sheriff, "there's a $500 reward, dead or alive, for the Brown Paper Kid."

"The Brown Paper Kid?!" Exclaimed the Bounty Hunter. "Who in tarnation is the Brown Paper Kid?"

"He's a varmint who wears a hat made from brown paper," replied the Sheriff. "His coat is made from brown paper. His shirts are made from brown paper. He wears pants made from brown paper and his boots are made from brown paper."

"Well," says the Bounty Hunter, "and what's he wanted for?"

The Sheriff replied, "He's wanted for rustling".

**********

At New York's Kennedy Airport today, an individual, later discovered to be a public school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square and a calculator. Authorities believe he is a member of the notorious al-Gebra movement.

He is being charged with carrying weapons of math instruction.

**********

Prince Stone had this enormous moth collection. He had large moths, small moths - moths of all kinds.

When King Stone decided to retire and pass his crown to the prince, he told the boy he must first dispose of the moth collection and find another hobby.

"Why is that, father?", inquired the prince.

"Because", replied the old man, "A ruling Stone gathers no moths!"

**********

The other day I was carrying a little box of small, shiny discs to sew onto my suit for the carnival. As I was going through the kitchen, I dropped the box spilling its contents.

My wife was putting away dishes. She slipped on the shiny discs causing her to fall and break all of our plates.

Our dog got so scared by the clatter he ran out the door and onto the street. A car passing by almost hit my dog. At the last second it veered. This caused the driver to lose control and he hit a tree in our front yard, knocking it over onto our house.

It was a strange sequins of events.

************

In the early 1900's, The Hellman's Mayonnaise company was based in England. In fact, several cases of it were loaded on the Titanic for her maiden voyage. They were to be off loaded at the second port of call, Vera Cruz, Mexico.

We all know what happened to the Titanic, and why the Mexicans celebrate Sinko de Mayo.

Happy St Patrick's Day!

Food, glorious food

I came across this map and thought you'd find it interesting. The full article has large photos of each state's food. I've noticed that two states share the same food and one state doesn't have any particular "best" food...

Do you agree with Business Insider's assessment of the best foods in each state?

Shall we dance?

English is a funny language

Winter street art

More cartoons from the popcorn guy

I posted some cartoons drawn using popcorn a while ago. Here are further examples of incorporating everyday objects into drawings:

Cat funnies (for a change...)