On the virtues of multi-talented pigs...

Pallottine requested a post about the uses of a pig and I'm happy to oblige. The poor man must be fed up with fashion, embroidery and other not quite unisex posts! Here we go:

A football is a ball inflated with air that is used to play one of the various sports known as football.

The first balls were made of natural materials, such as an inflated pig bladder, later put inside a leather cover, which has given rise to the United States slang-term "pigskin".

Modern footballs have never been anywhere near a pig:

The oldest football still in existence, which is thought to have been made circa 1550, was discovered in the roof of Stirling Castle, Scotland, in 1981.The ball is made of leather (possibly from a deer) and a pig's bladder. It has a diameter of between 14–16 cm (5.5–6.3 in), weighs 125 g (4.4 oz) and is currently on display at the Smith Art Gallery and Museum in Stirling.

Today there's an important game: Ohio State Buckeyes v Oregon Ducks.

May the best team win, it's all I can say on the subject...

The piggies may have a few things to say, though.

Not all pigs are earmarked for big sporting events. Some will have a different fate:

Football and fashion are not necessarily the first things that springs to mind. When I was little, I may have thought of characters like these:

These days, my approach to pigs is purely gastronomic and I wear the appropriate apparel to deal with the activity:

I think that apart from vegetarians (and pigs),  both football fans and sports avoiders would enjoy these:

I'll let a clever pig have the last word on the subject:

Word game - The answers

The real meaning of the words is under each picture.

    Absquatulate = To make off hurriedly

    Choller = Double chin

    Illecebrous = Pretty, attractive

    Halch = To hug

    Gamp = Large umbrella 

    Tragematopolist = Seller of candy

    Fleer = To laugh disrespectfully 

    Battologize = To repeat the same thing needlessly 

Here are the highlights from the original thread. Now that you know the real meaning of the words, you can read these contributions again and see how much sense they make…

These words games always guarantee some hilarity. PMom_GA revealed her talent for producing groaners!

PMom_GA

Sorry to say that my attempts at exercise resulted in a failure to AbSquatUlate regularly.

GrannyJ 

Has anyone else noticed that when they absquatulate everyone leaves the room? Same thing happens when I halch. 

And what about those illecebrous dreams- boy those are really something. Think I am going to have to see a tragematopolist and find out if this is normal at my age. Whatever...I am not going to take any more gamp from anyone! And let me tell you... when I battologize it is not something you will soon forget. Think I will pour myself another tankard of choller and see if I am still able to fleer. Bet I can! LOL.

View replied to GrannyJ:

Hi GrannyJ! These really work! No gamp! The latest models even have a 'no-leak' halch pouch. Fleers!

View

Buenas dias amigos! I woke up late to a thunderstorm this morning and Benny didn't want to leave the comfort of her perch, so I decided to do some exercises. First I poured a large mug of cinnamon-flavored latte and rolled out my mat. Wow! It was later than I realized and so I decided to absquatalate* the session to save time. I got invited to lunch and was asked to bring dessert. I began to halch the choller to a illecebrous texture when I realized I could battologize the lard to produce a crusty Gamp any Tragamatopolist would be proud of! Part of the fun is serving it with fleer!

*combining-normally with caffeine.

Lynn in VA

Today, President Palin's press secretary issued the following

statement: 'the President would like to illecebrously battologize to

the Tragematopolists, they who unflinchingly halch the choller. It

was never her intention to fleer upon their gamp. In future she will

absquatulate also, too rather than go along to get along in the

crony capitalist, oh and it's gottabe all about Benghazi too, any of

them, all of 'em that have been halched before me all these years,

Katie."

Mrsgunka

I conscientiously counted off the 60 minutes after taking my thyroid pill in anticipation of warming up the sweet, gooey Choller, awaiting patiently for the microwave to bring out the flavors sitting overnight on the counter. As I bit off the first morsel and savored the flavor, warmth and aroma, Okay, I stuck the whole thing in my mouth and swallowed! I suddenly felt this illecebrous wrenching in my gut and made a mad dash to the powder room. It had been 4 months since I had indulged this delicacy. The halch had gripped so suddenly. After the wave let-up, I picked up the phone and out of desperation I dialed Dr. Gamp, the world renown Tragematopolist and protologist for advice. He assured me that the fleer would battologize shortly, as it was nothing more than a fart crosswise in my gut from eating too fast and swallowing the whole thing without properly masticating it properly. The second one went much smoother as I slowly chewed up the tantalizing delicacy and washed it down with copious amounts of fresh ground coffee, and belched like a proud German! I realized 3 Chollers might be over-doing it. But damn, homemade Chollers might be one of my favorite things in the world! Patience is a virtue.

Thank you to all who took part in the game. I'll start collecting funny words in another language for a future game, yes?

We haven't played this game recently...

The usual rules apply. Use the following words in one or more sentences and... no googling!

1. Absquatulate (verb)
2. Choller (noun)

3. Illecebrous (adjective)

4. Halch (verb)

5. Gamp (noun)

6. Tragematopolist (occupation)

7. Fleer (verb)

8. Battologize (verb)

If you actually know any of the words, just play along...

[I'll post the answers on Wednesday]

Silly birthday game

Look up your birthday in these two lists and post the result in the comments. Anybody born on the fourteenth of any month should have some fun!

I'm stuck on an island with the cookie monster...

Las palabras - the truth

We had another great time with words, this time in Spanish, even though many people knew what they really meant. The definitions and the stories are quite funny:

View_From_Here

Pared = peeled fruit
Oruga = intricate dance
Codo = a colorful flightless bird
Uña = similar to seedless grapes
Gorojo = a baseball cap
Sandia = a peasant girl that had a divine vision in 1643
Manguera = the proper name for what is referred to as a 'mangle'
Roble = Upper class street people
Cepillo = Ruffled socks

Used in a sentence:

1. "mrsgunka, here's some apples that I have already PARED for a pie"
2. "I learned how to dance the Spanish ORUGA down at the Senior Center!"
3. "Illegal poachers have just about wiped out the Crested CODO in this area"
4. "Have you tried fresh-picked UÑA'S on your oatmeal?"
5. "Your new GOROJO brings out the color of your eyes."
6. "The church is celebrating Saint SANDIA day."
7. "Plug in the MANGUERA so TW can iron those sheets!"
8. "The riff-raff and ROBLE are about to revolt!"
9. "Those are sure cute CEPILLOS Maria is wearing!"

Sleuth

Pared = the condition of having crossed Paris off your bucket list
Oruga = a klaxon horn to warn of rampaging lettuce
Codo = rabid musical notation
Uña = a tiny onion
Gorgojo = Topo Gigio's big adventure
Sandía = a day at the beach
Manguera = cloud of cat hair
Roble = half of a sexy Latin dance
Cepillo = a garden pest

My story (with accompanying illustration of the world famous Topo Gigio!):

Topo Gigo's Big Gorgojo in Paris

Topo Gigio, in order to top up his chef skills, went to Paris in search of the famous yet elusive Uña.

But first, he stopped at the beach at the French Riviera for a brief Sandía, where he also learned, much to his dismay, about pickpockets whilst twirling and dipping in a traditional Roble.

On to Gay Paree, where dear Topo started visiting kitchen gardens for the elusive yet intoxicating Uña.

Sadly, at the very.first.garden a vigilant Cepillo sounded a Codo, erupting into a full-blown Oruga as the resident watchcat exploded into an almost nuclear Manguera.

Thus, poor Topo Gigio, was able to mark his card "Pared" whilst thinking..."I should have gone to Spain instead..."

Betzy

Pared = couple
Oruga = Model T
Codo = allergy
Una = halfmoon
Gorgojo = obesity
Sandia = solar
Manguera = heterosexual couple
Roble = criminal
Cepillo = bedtime

Mrsgunka

Pared - Ladies choice at a dance
Codo - the little lines on the bottom of everything at the grocery store that they scan for price and inventory control
Una - total moon eclipse
Gorgojo - over eating
Sandia - toilet paper
Manguera - men's restroom - the one with the pants
Roble - a fancy beach robe worn after you get out of the water
Cepillo - a soap infused steel wool pot cleaner: also, too, a fancy decorative sofa pillow, not to be used for the head - look but don't touch!

Ripley

1- Pared: My daddy after a day in the sun.
2- Oruga: The sound my daddy's car makes when he presses the horn
3- Codo: There was a farmer had a fish and Codo was his name-o.
4-Una: What Aussies say when they think you did something well "Good Uña"
5- Gorgojo: A mixture of cheese and coffee
6- Sandia: a country just south of India
7- Manguera: a type of men's garment
8- Roble: a small robe
9- Cepillo: Ze thing Zat you put your head on when you go to Ze bed.

GrannyJ

Next month we will celebrate my daughter’s wedding. There will be a big pared with lots of music, wine and dancing. Mike and I will dance the gorgojo. I hope he will not break his codo - we are not as young as we used to be. The Sandia will flow and I plan to get a little oruga and flirt with the bartender Roble. I might even pinch his Cepillo- ; ). I am planning to wear a beautiful manguera on my head. It will be una hell of a great time.

*****

The stories and definitions gain a very special quality when you know the real meaning of the words:

Pared - Wall

Oruga - Caterpillar

Codo  - Elbow

Uña - Nail

Gorgojo - Weevil

Sandia - Watermelon (also known as Pastèque)

Manguera - Hose

Roble - Oak

Cepillo - Brush

I'm sure GrannyJ will look very elegant with a manguera on her head at her daughter's wedding...

[MrsG, in the previous thread I said two items were edible. They are the watermelon and - depending on personal tastes-  nails!]

La palabras - Another silly game

We're going to play the word game in Spanish this time. I selected nine "palabras" and you suggest your definition for each in English. Again, the object of the game is to be creative and amusing, not to get the words right. Spanish speakers can join in, as long as their suggestions are silly and inaccurate.

It may be fun to make your lists, then use all the words in a sentence.

Enjoy!

1) Pared
2) Oruga
3) Codo
4) Uña
5) Gorgojo
6) Sandía
7) Manguera
8) Roble
9) Cepillo

Des mots - The truth behind them

Your definitions of the "mots" were hilarious. Here are some examples:

Conscious at last!

Pasteque - pasta that you have to wait on a long line to buy
Gazon - gadget that tells you when your fuel is low
Cafard - gastro-intestinal emission
Chouette - AHH. Chu!
Ramoneur - one who only dates Ramons
Chauve-souris - a shave so close you almost lost your smile

Amy

Pastèque - Twinkie
Gazon - Stink
Cafard - Cyst
Chouette - Flyswatter
Frelon - Ruffle
Chauve-souris - Argle-bargle
Robinet - Burglar
Vis - Gristle
Ramoneur - Gumchewer

Betzy

Pasteque - duct tape
Gazon - Looky Lou's
Cafard - constipated
Chouette - eat
Frelon - turf grass
Chauve-souris - apologies
Robinet - chesty
Vis - p's and q's
Ramoneur - fertilizer

View_From_Here

Pasteque - non-permanent beauty "patches"
Gazon - A group of homosexuals staring at each other.
Cafard - bad air trapped under your Caftan
Chouette - kibble for miniature poodles
Frelon - 'captured' gas used in car air conditioners (see Cafard)
Chauve-souris - A social gathering (with wine) for machos
Robinet - an unhatched bird egg
Vis - The abbreviation for Blog Lurkers (European in origin)
Ramoneur - Ramon's special fertilizer (similar to 'ErnaEarth')

Sleuth decided to use all the words in a sentence. Here are her two versions:

After a very long night of dining on Ramoneur, the Frelons of the Chauve-souris decided to breakfast on Robinets and Chouettes washed down with Cafard, but found they required many applications of Vis after learning they had inadvertently Gazon-ed on the eye-scorching Pastèque instead of wine labels.

***

She sneeringly glared upon the elitist wine labels at the Chauve-souris, but mirrors cracked in the process, throwing the Pastèque gazon throughout the room like a laserlight show gone mad, stultifying the gay Frelons; some dropped their Robinets as they were lifted to lips and Chouettes hardened in midchew; as glasses of Cafard shattered on the floor, it became horrifyingly apparent to all...there was not enough Vis in the universe to make the horrid antidote known as Ramoneur look remotely edible, even if it meant escape.

Amy and Mrsgunka followed suit:

Amy:

"Pastèque!" shouted the old man, waving his fist, upon almost being sideswiped by an even older bicycliste.

"Gazon! GAZON!" screamed the bicycliste back at him. "You are a true Cafard! A Chouette!!! Your kind should be frelon-ed in the Chauve-souris. Yes!"

Never at a loss, our first old man let loose: "May the robinet vis your ramoneur! Oui! It is what you deserve."

Having both cleared their sinuses, as they did in this exact same way every morning, each one went his way. With a smile. Thinking about the checkers the two men would play tonight after dinner, as they did each night, with each other...

Mrsgunka:

I just know, my get up and go has got up and gazon! Just put in two batches of frelon in the ramoneur. When it's done I'll throw on the chouette, fix the pasteque and pour the chauve-souris. Pass the cafard, say grace and all will be well again. Vis? Robinet anyone?

[There are more definitions dotted around on the last thread.]

The true definitions will have you laughing at the creative efforts above. The thought of drinking cafards makes me shudder!

Pastèque - Watermelon

Gazon - Lawn

Cafard - Cockroach

Chouette - Owl

Frelon - Hornet

Chauve-souris - Bat (chauve = bald, souris = mouse)

Robinet - Faucet

Vis - Screw

Ramoneur - Chimney-sweep

[I mentioned Baldilocks as a nickname for and old "friend." I came across the word when looking up "chauve," which means bald. It's also used as a pejorative term, i.e., baldilocks!]