It's hot here. That makes my Spanish side want to dance!
Thursday, 31 May 2012
Wednesday, 30 May 2012
Innovative doctor
Here's another cheeky joke, courtesy of View_From_Here:
A guy visiting in Hawaii fell asleep on the beach for several hours and got a horrible
sunburn, specifically to his upper legs. He went to the hospital, and was promptly admitted
after being diagnosed with second-degree burns.
With his skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain he was in, the doctor
prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline, electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra
pill every four hours.
The nurse, who was rather astounded, asked, 'What good will Viagra do for him, Doctor’?
The doctor replied, 'It won't do anything for his condition, but it’ll keep the sheets off his
legs.'
Thank you, View.
A guy visiting in Hawaii fell asleep on the beach for several hours and got a horrible
sunburn, specifically to his upper legs. He went to the hospital, and was promptly admitted
after being diagnosed with second-degree burns.
With his skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain he was in, the doctor
prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline, electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra
pill every four hours.
The nurse, who was rather astounded, asked, 'What good will Viagra do for him, Doctor’?
The doctor replied, 'It won't do anything for his condition, but it’ll keep the sheets off his
legs.'
Thank you, View.
Tuesday, 29 May 2012
Monday, 28 May 2012
Sunday, 27 May 2012
Best friends
MD sent me this heartwarming story. Thank you, MD.
Lily is a Great Dane that has been blind since a bizarre medical condition required that she have both eyes removed. For the last 5 years, Madison, another Great Dane, has been her sight. The two are, of course, inseparable.
Lily is a Great Dane that has been blind since a bizarre medical condition required that she have both eyes removed. For the last 5 years, Madison, another Great Dane, has been her sight. The two are, of course, inseparable.
Saturday, 26 May 2012
Murphy's hat
Thank you for this Irish gem, Mrsgunka.
Murphy showed up at mass one Sunday and the priest almost fell down when he saw him. He'd never been to church in his life. After mass, the priest caught up with him and said,
"Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to come to mass. What made ya come?"
Murphy said, "I got to be honest with you Father, a while back, I misplaced me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like mine and I knew he came to church every Sunday. I also knew that he had to take off his hat during mass and figured he would leave it in the back of church. So, I was going to leave after communion and steal McGlynn's hat."
The priest said, "Well, Murphy, I notice that ya didn't steal McGlynn's hat. What changed your mind?"
Murphy replied, "Well, after I heard your sermon on the Ten Commandments I decided that I didn't need to steal McGlynn's hat after all."
With a tear in his eye the priest gave Murphy a big smile and said, "After I talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Steal' ya decided you would rather do without your hat than burn in hell, eh?"
Murphy slowly shook his head. "No, Father, after ya talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' I remembered where I left me hat."
Murphy showed up at mass one Sunday and the priest almost fell down when he saw him. He'd never been to church in his life. After mass, the priest caught up with him and said,
"Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to come to mass. What made ya come?"
Murphy said, "I got to be honest with you Father, a while back, I misplaced me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like mine and I knew he came to church every Sunday. I also knew that he had to take off his hat during mass and figured he would leave it in the back of church. So, I was going to leave after communion and steal McGlynn's hat."
The priest said, "Well, Murphy, I notice that ya didn't steal McGlynn's hat. What changed your mind?"
Murphy replied, "Well, after I heard your sermon on the Ten Commandments I decided that I didn't need to steal McGlynn's hat after all."
With a tear in his eye the priest gave Murphy a big smile and said, "After I talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Steal' ya decided you would rather do without your hat than burn in hell, eh?"
Murphy slowly shook his head. "No, Father, after ya talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' I remembered where I left me hat."
Friday, 25 May 2012
Shall we dance?
 |
| We build too many walls and not enough bridges |
Thursday, 24 May 2012
36-in-1
View_From_Here sent me an e-mail showing the contrasts between men and women. It was quite long, with loads of pictures. One item was particularly funny, and here it is:
I'll post other bits at a later date. Thank you, View.
I'll post other bits at a later date. Thank you, View.
Wednesday, 23 May 2012
If animals could talk...
Sleuth is a big fan of the Icanhascheezburger site, posting some very funny pictures in the comments. So I was tempted to take a dip over there and found some good captions that made me chuckle. Here's a small selection:
Tuesday, 22 May 2012
Monday, 21 May 2012
Beach fashion
Mrsgunka has many friends with a fine sense of humour and receives countless hilarious e-mails. I'm glad our Mrsgunka is quick to click the forward button so I can share them with you! Thank you, MrsG.
When I was young, in the 1950's, 60's & 70's, the bathing suit for the mature figure was boned, trussed and reinforced, not so much sewn as engineered. They were built to hold back and uplift, and they did a good job.
Today's stretch fabrics are designed for the prepubescent girl with a figure carved from a potato chip.
The mature woman has a choice, she can either go up front to the maternity department and try on a floral suit with a skirt, coming away looking like a hippopotamus that escaped from Disney's Fantasia, or she can wander around every run-of-the-mill department store trying to make a sensible choice from what amounts to a designer range of fluorescent rubber bands.
What choice did I have? I wandered around, made my sensible choice and entered the chamber of horrors known as the fitting room. The first thing I noticed was the extraordinary tensile strength of the stretch material. The Lycra used in bathing costumes was developed, I believe, by NASA to launch small rockets from a slingshot, which gives the added bonus that if you manage to actually lever yourself into one, you would be protected from shark attacks. Any shark taking a swipe at your passing midriff would immediately suffer whiplash.
I fought my way into the bathing suit, but as I twanged the shoulder strap in place I gasped in horror, my boobs had disappeared!
Eventually, I found one boob cowering under my left armpit. It took a while to find the other. At last I located it flattened beside my seventh rib.
The problem is that modern bathing suits have no bra cups. The mature woman is now meant to wear her boobs spread across her chest like a speed bump. I realigned my speed bump and lurched toward the mirror to take a full view assessment.
The bathing suit fit all right, but unfortunately it only fitted those bits of me willing to stay inside it. The rest of me oozed out rebelliously from top, bottom and sides. I looked like a lump of Playdoh wearing undersized cling wrap.
As I tried to work out where all those extra bits had come from, the prepubescent sales girl popped her head through the curtain, "Oh, there you are," she said, admiring the bathing suit.
I replied that I wasn't so sure and asked what else she had to show me. I tried on a cream crinkled one that made me look like a lump of masking tape, and a floral two-piece that gave the appearance of an oversized napkin in a serving ring.
I struggled into a pair of leopard-skin bathers with ragged frills and came out looking like Tarzan's Jane, pregnant with triplets and having a rough day.
I tried on a black number with a midriff fringe and looked like a jellyfish in mourning.
I tried on a bright pink pair with such a high cut leg I thought I would have to wax my eyebrows to wear them.
Finally, I found a suit that fit, it was a two-piece affair with a shorts-style bottom and a loose blouse-type top. It was cheap, comfortable, and bulge-friendly, so I bought it. My ridiculous search had a successful outcome, I figured.
When I got it home, I found a label that read, "Material might become transparent in water."
So, if you happen to be on the beach or near any other body of water this year and I'm there too, I'll be the one in cut-off jeans and a T-shirt!
When I was young, in the 1950's, 60's & 70's, the bathing suit for the mature figure was boned, trussed and reinforced, not so much sewn as engineered. They were built to hold back and uplift, and they did a good job.
Today's stretch fabrics are designed for the prepubescent girl with a figure carved from a potato chip.
The mature woman has a choice, she can either go up front to the maternity department and try on a floral suit with a skirt, coming away looking like a hippopotamus that escaped from Disney's Fantasia, or she can wander around every run-of-the-mill department store trying to make a sensible choice from what amounts to a designer range of fluorescent rubber bands.
What choice did I have? I wandered around, made my sensible choice and entered the chamber of horrors known as the fitting room. The first thing I noticed was the extraordinary tensile strength of the stretch material. The Lycra used in bathing costumes was developed, I believe, by NASA to launch small rockets from a slingshot, which gives the added bonus that if you manage to actually lever yourself into one, you would be protected from shark attacks. Any shark taking a swipe at your passing midriff would immediately suffer whiplash.
I fought my way into the bathing suit, but as I twanged the shoulder strap in place I gasped in horror, my boobs had disappeared!
Eventually, I found one boob cowering under my left armpit. It took a while to find the other. At last I located it flattened beside my seventh rib.
The problem is that modern bathing suits have no bra cups. The mature woman is now meant to wear her boobs spread across her chest like a speed bump. I realigned my speed bump and lurched toward the mirror to take a full view assessment.
The bathing suit fit all right, but unfortunately it only fitted those bits of me willing to stay inside it. The rest of me oozed out rebelliously from top, bottom and sides. I looked like a lump of Playdoh wearing undersized cling wrap.
As I tried to work out where all those extra bits had come from, the prepubescent sales girl popped her head through the curtain, "Oh, there you are," she said, admiring the bathing suit.
I replied that I wasn't so sure and asked what else she had to show me. I tried on a cream crinkled one that made me look like a lump of masking tape, and a floral two-piece that gave the appearance of an oversized napkin in a serving ring.
I struggled into a pair of leopard-skin bathers with ragged frills and came out looking like Tarzan's Jane, pregnant with triplets and having a rough day.
I tried on a black number with a midriff fringe and looked like a jellyfish in mourning.
I tried on a bright pink pair with such a high cut leg I thought I would have to wax my eyebrows to wear them.
Finally, I found a suit that fit, it was a two-piece affair with a shorts-style bottom and a loose blouse-type top. It was cheap, comfortable, and bulge-friendly, so I bought it. My ridiculous search had a successful outcome, I figured.
When I got it home, I found a label that read, "Material might become transparent in water."
So, if you happen to be on the beach or near any other body of water this year and I'm there too, I'll be the one in cut-off jeans and a T-shirt!
Sunday, 20 May 2012
A case of what???
Here's a short and sweet, courtesy of View_From_Here:
Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, 'I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent.'
'Thank God,' said an elderly nun at the back. 'I'm so tired of chardonnay.'
Thank you, View.
Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, 'I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent.'
'Thank God,' said an elderly nun at the back. 'I'm so tired of chardonnay.'
Thank you, View.
Saturday, 19 May 2012
Sightseeing in the Correze
Well, my sister left for Paris this morning and will fly back to Miami tomorrow. The house feels very empty and quiet, with the cats looking at us with "question mark" faces.
I'm very lucky to have such a wonderful sister and we'll miss her very much.
The weather was very nice, apart from one dismal rainy day, so it was quite good for sightseeing. Dora (don't call her the explorer!) took some very nice photos. Living in this part of France is like living in a postcard, we're very, very fortunate!
I'm very lucky to have such a wonderful sister and we'll miss her very much.
The weather was very nice, apart from one dismal rainy day, so it was quite good for sightseeing. Dora (don't call her the explorer!) took some very nice photos. Living in this part of France is like living in a postcard, we're very, very fortunate!
 |
| Tulle |
 |
| Tulle |
 |
| Treignac |
 |
| Treignac |
 |
| Treignac |
 |
| Treignac |
 |
| Treignac |
 |
| Collonges-la-Rouge |
 |
| Collonges-la-Rouge |
 |
| Meyssac |
 |
| Le Lonzac |
 |
| Le Lonzac |
 |
| Arnac-Pompadour |
 |
| Arnac-Pompadour |
 |
| Beaulieu-sur-Dordogne |
 |
| Beaulieu-sur-Dordogne |
 |
| Beaulieu-sur-Dordogne |
 |
| Beaulieu-sur-Dordogne |
 |
| Lestards |
 |
| Lestards |
Monday, 14 May 2012
Old slogans with a new meaning
View_From_Here sent me this hilarious collection of "new condoms."
If advertisers took the slogans from famous brands and applied them to condom packages this is what they would look like. Each slogan gets a whole new meaning...
Thank you, View.
If advertisers took the slogans from famous brands and applied them to condom packages this is what they would look like. Each slogan gets a whole new meaning...
Thank you, View.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)