Saturday, 31 December 2011
Happy New Year!
Wishing all readers a fantastic 2012! Thank you for your contributions and for making this blog a very welcoming, friendly place.
Friday, 30 December 2011
Lovely snow
Spike sent me this hilarious account of a guy's love affair with the snow. Thank you, Spike.
December 8 - 6:00 PM
It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!
December 9
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world? Moving here to Iowa was the best idea I've ever had! Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snow plow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!
December 12
The sun has melted all our lovely snow.. Such a disappointment! My neighbor tells me not to worry- we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.
December 14
Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snow plow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.
December 15
20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.
December 16
Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.
December 17
Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
December 20
Electricity's back on, but had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling! Took all day. The damn snow plow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.
December 22
Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white crap fell today, and it's so cold, it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to pee. By the time I got undressed, peed and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think he's is lying.
December 23
Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she, nuts?!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying.
December 24
6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snow plow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snow plow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the damn snow plow.
December 25
Merry fricking Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn slop tonight - Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the snow! Then the snow plow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a fricking idiot. If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.
December 26
Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.
December 27
Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.
December 28
Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. My WIFE is driving me crazy!!!
December 29
10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?
December 30
Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plough driver, and now he is suing me for a million dollars, not only the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his BUTT. The wife went home to her mother. Nine more inches predicted.
December 31
I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.
January 8
Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
DIARY OF AN IOWA SNOW SHOVELER
December 8 - 6:00 PM
It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!
December 9
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world? Moving here to Iowa was the best idea I've ever had! Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snow plow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!
December 12
The sun has melted all our lovely snow.. Such a disappointment! My neighbor tells me not to worry- we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.
December 14
Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snow plow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.
December 15
20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.
December 16
Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.
December 17
Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
December 20
Electricity's back on, but had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling! Took all day. The damn snow plow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.
December 22
Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white crap fell today, and it's so cold, it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to pee. By the time I got undressed, peed and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think he's is lying.
December 23
Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she, nuts?!! Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying.
December 24
6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snow plow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snow plow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the damn snow plow.
December 25
Merry fricking Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn slop tonight - Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the snow! Then the snow plow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a fricking idiot. If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.
December 26
Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.
December 27
Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.
December 28
Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. My WIFE is driving me crazy!!!
December 29
10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?
December 30
Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plough driver, and now he is suing me for a million dollars, not only the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his BUTT. The wife went home to her mother. Nine more inches predicted.
December 31
I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.
January 8
Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
Thursday, 29 December 2011
What colours do you drink?
Yesterday's photo was quite powerful but depressed a number of readers. Today I decided to cheer you up by showing you what the most popular drinks look like under a microscope. Choose your favourite tipple, which can be made into actual wall pictures, bar accessories, scarves and other stuff. The site where I found them has a number of goodies.
Cheers!
Cheers!
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| Champagne |
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| Budweiser |
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| Black Russian |
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| Bloody Mary |
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| Chablis |
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| Cola |
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| Cranberry Juice |
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| Dry Martini |
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| Gin & Tonic |
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| Iced Tea |
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| Margarita |
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| Mexican Lager |
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| Orange Juice |
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| Pina Colada |
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| Red Wine |
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| Rosé |
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| Scotch |
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| Jack Daniels |
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| White Wine |
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| Tequila |
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| Irish Stout |
Wednesday, 28 December 2011
Tuesday, 27 December 2011
Celebrating a lifetime together
Mrsgunka had a Christmas scare when Ray was suddenly ill and had to be taken to hospital. Fortunately, Ray is making good progress.
Today is their 53rd wedding anniversary and although they won't be physically together, their hearts will be as close as ever.
Let's accompany Mr & Mrsgunka on a trip back to 1958, when they tied the knot.
Eisenhower was the president of the United States, Khrushchev was the leader of the USSR and Harold MacMillan was the UK Prime Minister.
1958 saw the birth of NASA and of the John Birch Society.
South Pacific was the top grossing movie and The Bridge on the River Kwai won 7 Academy Awards, including best picture.
Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward were also married in 1958:
The world of fashion, from the December issue of Vogue:
People drove very big cars:
These two songs topped the Billboard charts:
Dear Mrsgunka, you and Ray saw many changes over all these years together, but the best thing is what hasn't changed: Your enduring love for each other.
Happy anniversary!
Today is their 53rd wedding anniversary and although they won't be physically together, their hearts will be as close as ever.
Let's accompany Mr & Mrsgunka on a trip back to 1958, when they tied the knot.
Eisenhower was the president of the United States, Khrushchev was the leader of the USSR and Harold MacMillan was the UK Prime Minister.
1958 saw the birth of NASA and of the John Birch Society.
South Pacific was the top grossing movie and The Bridge on the River Kwai won 7 Academy Awards, including best picture.
Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward were also married in 1958:
The world of fashion, from the December issue of Vogue:
People drove very big cars:
These two songs topped the Billboard charts:
Dear Mrsgunka, you and Ray saw many changes over all these years together, but the best thing is what hasn't changed: Your enduring love for each other.
Happy anniversary!
Monday, 26 December 2011
Saturday, 24 December 2011
Still laughing
I think we had enough Christmas and holiday themed posts, so let's have a laugh. View_From_Here sent me this joke:
NORWEGIAN VIRGIN
Olof Swenson, out in his pasture in northern Minnesota, took a lightning-quick kick from a cow... right in his crotch. Writhing in agony, he fell to the ground.
As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor. He said: “How bad is it Doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next veek and my fiance, Lena, is still a virgin - in every vay.”
The doctor told him “Olof, I'll have to put your willy in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week, but leave it on there as long as you can.”
He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little four-sided splint and taped it all together... quite an impressive work of art.
Olof mentioned none of this to Lena, married her and they went on their honeymoon to Duluth.
That night, in the Motel 6, Lena ripped open her blouse to reveal her beautiful,untouched breasts. She said: “Olof... you' re the first vun! No vun has EVER seen deez.”
Olof immediately dropped his pants and replied: “Look at dis, Lena ... still in DA CRATE!”
Thank you, View.
NORWEGIAN VIRGIN
Olof Swenson, out in his pasture in northern Minnesota, took a lightning-quick kick from a cow... right in his crotch. Writhing in agony, he fell to the ground.
As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor. He said: “How bad is it Doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next veek and my fiance, Lena, is still a virgin - in every vay.”
The doctor told him “Olof, I'll have to put your willy in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week, but leave it on there as long as you can.”
He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little four-sided splint and taped it all together... quite an impressive work of art.
Olof mentioned none of this to Lena, married her and they went on their honeymoon to Duluth.
That night, in the Motel 6, Lena ripped open her blouse to reveal her beautiful,untouched breasts. She said: “Olof... you' re the first vun! No vun has EVER seen deez.”
Olof immediately dropped his pants and replied: “Look at dis, Lena ... still in DA CRATE!”
Thank you, View.
Friday, 23 December 2011
Time for some festive songs
Sleuth sent me the first video and I had bookmarked the second. We love our pets and animals in general, so this is a fitting way to wish all What Timers a happy festive season! [There's a fading celebrity out there complaining that a pet is not appropriate for a Christmas card...]
The guy who made these is the same guy who gave us the now classic video of the talking dog:
(You may watch all his great videos on his youtube channel.)
Happy holidays to all of you and your loved ones!
The guy who made these is the same guy who gave us the now classic video of the talking dog:
(You may watch all his great videos on his youtube channel.)
Happy holidays to all of you and your loved ones!
Thursday, 22 December 2011
Playing with words
TempestNVA sent me these. Puns can make you cringe, but these are quite clever! Thank you, Tempest.
To all you Lexophiles .... (those who love words)
- Writing with a broken pencil is pointless.
- Fish in schools sometimes take debate.
- The thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
- When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
- It seems Professor Buck's earthquake theory is on shaky ground.
- Batteries were given out free of charge.
- After the dentist and manicurist married, they fought tooth and nail.
- A chess tournament occupied all the hotel's conference rooms. Between matches, players stood around the foyer bragging about their victories. This eventually got on the manager's nerves. "Go away!", he shouted. "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
- A will is a dead giveaway.
- After the parents refused to pay the exorcist, their daughter was repossessed.
- With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
- Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.
- You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
- Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.
- A boiled egg is hard to beat.
- After you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
- Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
- Did you hear about the man whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
- If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.
- A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
- In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
- When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
- The man who fell onto an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
- Another fell into a lens-grinding machine and made a spectacle of himself.
- His photographic memory was never fully developed.
- Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
- When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
- Acupuncture: a jab well done
Two cures for excessive punning:
- Medical -- performing an apundectomy
- Legal -- a sentence in a punitentiary.
Wednesday, 21 December 2011
Suzy
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| Billy and Suzy at his leaving do, just before he went to Australia |
Suzy, a friend of Billy's since playschool, did American Studies at Nottingham University and her final year was spent in Tennessee, where this video was recorded. We've been friends with Suzy's parents for over twenty years and her father could do with our good thoughts...
Go Suzy!
Tuesday, 20 December 2011
Awww...
Today's awww moment comes courtesy of Lillibird.
Thank you, Lillibird.
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| New baby friends meet each other |
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| Kitten being given some oxygen |
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| How cute is this baby owl? |
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| As big as a grape... |
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| A shy walrus |
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| This cat has a permanent top hat |
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| A special bubble bath |
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| Finally, here's a proud new mom |
Thank you, Lillibird.
Monday, 19 December 2011
"Carefully" placed stickers
View_From_Here sent me these very funny examples of carelessly placed stickers:
Thank you, View, they're hilarious.
Thank you, View, they're hilarious.
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