TempestNVA sent me these. Puns can make you cringe, but these are quite clever! Thank you, Tempest.
To all you Lexophiles .... (those who love words)
- Writing with a broken pencil is pointless.
- Fish in schools sometimes take debate.
- The thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
- When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
- It seems Professor Buck's earthquake theory is on shaky ground.
- Batteries were given out free of charge.
- After the dentist and manicurist married, they fought tooth and nail.
- A chess tournament occupied all the hotel's conference rooms. Between matches, players stood around the foyer bragging about their victories. This eventually got on the manager's nerves. "Go away!", he shouted. "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
- A will is a dead giveaway.
- After the parents refused to pay the exorcist, their daughter was repossessed.
- With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
- Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.
- You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
- Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.
- A boiled egg is hard to beat.
- After you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
- Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
- Did you hear about the man whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
- If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.
- A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
- In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
- When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
- The man who fell onto an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
- Another fell into a lens-grinding machine and made a spectacle of himself.
- His photographic memory was never fully developed.
- Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
- When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
- Acupuncture: a jab well done
Two cures for excessive punning:
- Medical -- performing an apundectomy
- Legal -- a sentence in a punitentiary.
