Friday, 31 January 2014

Disgustingly hilarious

CC sent us this video. Be careful when still a bit groggy in the morning... Thanks, CC.

Thursday, 30 January 2014

A joke to make Mrsgunka groan...

This joke was sent to us by View, of course! Thanks, View. Mrsgunka will appreciate it...

Cletus is passing by Billy Bob 's hay barn one day when, through a gap in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old John Deere tractor.

Buttocks clenched, he performs a slow pirouette, and gently slides off first the right strap of his overalls, followed by the left. He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move, lets his overalls fall down to his hips, revealing a torn and frayed plaid shirt.

Then, grabbing both sides of his shirt, he rips it apart to reveal his stained T-shirt underneath. With a final flourish, he tears the T-shirt from his body, and hurls his baseball cap onto a pile of hay.

Having seen enough, Cletus rushes in and says, "What the world're ya doing, Billy Bob ?"

"Good grief, Cletus, ya scared the bejeebers out of me," says an obviously embarrassed Billy Bob ..

"But me 'n the wife been havin trouble lately in the bedroom d'partment, and the therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor."

Wednesday, 29 January 2014

Cute little guy in a hurry

Amy sent us this video of an incredibly cute baby elephant. Thank you, Amy.

Monday, 27 January 2014

A very long time without sex

GrannyJ sent us this great joke. Thanks, GJ.

A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. 

There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?"

"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."

"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up. Relax and enjoy yourself."

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"

"1955, ma'am."

"Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him.

Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955."

The Sergeant Major said, after glancing at his watch, "I hope not, it's only 2130 now."

(love military time)


[The real ad in yesterday's post was #3.]

Sunday, 26 January 2014

Funny ad competition

Here are six ads. Five are fake and one is real. Can you pick the genuine among the spoofs?

Saturday, 25 January 2014

Some Canadian weather funnies

Mrsgunka sent us some funny pictures. GrannyJ already posted the top two in yesterday's thread.

Here are the best of the rest. Thank you, Mrg and GJ.

Friday, 24 January 2014

A reassuring little post

These two photos make things a bit better... (even if not true!) The second picture was sent to us by 1smartcanerican. Thank you, 1sc.

Thursday, 23 January 2014

Laws of nature

View sent us this hilarious list. Thanks, View, some of them made me cry I laughed so much!

Forget Newton and Galileo. Here are the real laws of nature:

1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

5. Supermarket Law - As soon as you get in the smallest line, the cashier will have to call for help.

6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.

7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11. Law of the Theatre & Sports Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.

18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor. By the time you get there you'll feel better... But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick. This has been proven over and over with taking children to the pediatrician.

Sunday, 19 January 2014


View sent us this "flashwaltz." It's the Waltz of the Flowers, from Tchaikovsky's Nutcracker Suite. Music sometimes has an unexpected effect on me and by the end of the video I had dissolved in tears. Thank you, View, I love this particular piece, now more than ever.

Forty students from the Jerusalem Academy of Music and Dance took a classical approach to the flashmob as they flashwaltzed Tchaikovsky's Waltz of the Flowers at the new Sarah Wetsman Davidson Hospital Tower in Jerusalem. Doctors, patients and passers-by joined in the fun.

The Academy students enjoyed the day so much that they have decided to schedule regular concerts at the hospital. Hadassah Medical organization treats over one million patients annually, without regard to race, religion or national origin.

Saturday, 18 January 2014

Friday, 17 January 2014

Great minds think alike

That's very true. Both MrsG and Amy sent me the same video for a post! Thank you, ladies.

Thursday, 16 January 2014

High jinx

Comedian Kurt Braunohler hired a sky writer to do this over LA:

Monday, 13 January 2014

Time for a laugh

View sent us a few funny pictures. Thanks, View.

Sunday, 12 January 2014

A new experience - UPDATE

It's quite daunting having to go into hospital in a new country. I adjusted very quickly to the British system when I left Brazil. It's very easy to move from a system where if you have money you're ok to a (socialist) universal care one!

Things are slightly different in France. The government picks up part of the tab and people take out private health insurance for the top-up. The insurance companies are not allowed to refuse anybody on grounds of pre-existing conditions and there are no limits (similar to Obamacare?). That's the bureaucratic side of things and the French love bureaucracy!

Now, when it comes to the care itself, they're great and straight to the point. Our GP arranged everything very quickly. I had an ultrasound of my abdomen and lower limbs arteries the very next day after I went to see her with the initial symptoms. Once it was established that I wasn't going to drop dead immediately, she was able to schedule the angioscan and the consultation with the surgeon with a degree of flexibility. The surgeon decided to wait until after the end of year holidays and I was given a date to enter hospital the day before the surgery.

I had requested a private room with an extra bed for Peter when I had the pre-op tests and the consultation with the anesthesiologist in mid December, so that's what we got. As we knew I had to spend at least 24 hours in intensive care, we had to book a room in a B&B attached to the hospital, just across from the car park, called Pavillion Marivaux.

The hospital room was very spacious and we were served a "marvelous" dinner. I found out we couldn't smuggle our own food in.

The nurses were incredibly kind and very efficient. The surgeon came round to say hello and confirm the time of the surgery. The anesthesiologist also paid me a visit, remarking that I had "pole position," i.e, the first op of the day. When the new shift started at 9 o'clock, a very jolly nurse came in to explain the "showers." I was given a bottle of Betadine and told to shower with it before going to bed. She said she would wake me up 2 hours before the surgery for another very thorough shower with Betadine, including hair, then she would prep me up. This shower routine is to combat MRSA, which seems to be a worldwide problem due to abuse of antibiotics over the years...

I was taken downstairs to the operating theatre, had my arms strapped to arm rests, catheter in one arm, blood pressure sleeve on the other, electrodes all over, Dr Asselineau said something while injecting... then I felt a pressure on my right leg and thought Dr Brechet was preparing to start the surgery, but he was just finishing it! It all happened during the previous "..."

Unfortunately, the details of this stage in the proceedings are a bit foggy, but I know I was taken to a reanimation unit, where a bunch of very efficient people hooked me up to various bits of equipment, asked loads of questions, then moved on to the next person out of surgery. There were several teams moving between patients, checking them every ten minutes or so. People came and went, but I was still there after 4 hours. I don't know what caused the concern and or delay in my transfer to the intensive care unit, but I finally arrived there and could ask if Peter had been informed about the outcome of the surgery. Yes, he had, and would be able to visit me in about one hour.

They say cell phones are not allowed in hospitals, but all nurses, doctors, porters and everybody else are permanently talking on theirs, all the time! Peter had my cell in his pocket and I was able to receive a call from my sister. I also sent some texts to local friends and to Shapeshifterbelly.

One of the auxiliary nurses was Portuguese and we enjoyed some very nice chats when I was awake.

I spent most of the time asleep, even though my right arm would get squeezed for the blood pressure every 15 minutes and a nurse would check me every hour. Dr Brechet came to see me in the morning and said that as soon as Dr Asselineau gave the ok, I could go back to the regular room, then home the next morning. That's when Peter sent an epic text to SSB. My phone is a hateful piece of shite and he's not very good with modern technology, on top of having enormous hands, which makes the keyboard totally inadequate. This is what he wrote:

Hissb regina is happy tohave thigs fixr ficed fixed backto normal room today. Thanjs foor ketting everyone know. lv love peter.

Isn't it great? And he wasn't even drunk!

The Portuguese lady, Paula, held my hand all the way to the elevator when they came to transfer me to the other room, then kissed me and wished me all the best.

In my limited hospital experience, I always came across at least one miserable member of staff. Not this time. They were all charming, cheerful and seemed genuinely interested in my well being.

I haven't done very much since we arrived back home. The neighbours came out to greet me. Madame Soup from across the road returned the key (she was feeding the cats) and Madame Mim from downstairs offered to run errands, such as going to the pharmacy, etc.

We managed to go to the pharmacy to fill my prescriptions and contact the community nurse for a home visit. She was charming and this morning she gave me the first shot of Heparin, which I'm going to need for the next ten days.

It was a very interesting experience and now I have a fantastic bruise on my right leg around the groin area.

Peter is cooking lunch, so wish me luck. His food can't be any worse than the vile stuff they served us at the hospital!


I forgot to mention that EVERYBODY kept urging me to fart after the procedure. I obliged and produced my best drumrolls and Chinese fireworks!

Thursday, 9 January 2014

Are you looking at me?

This shot was captured on a diving trip to Australia’s Great Barrier Reef,
where this endangered fish species is said to be friendly with humans

Tuesday, 7 January 2014

Things that need to be done

I've been keeping some things from you...

I had some weird symptoms at the end of October, which led to many tests in November. I have a partial obstruction of my abdominal aorta and of the right femoral artery. Too many years of eating the wrong things, plus smoking heavily, was bound to cause some problems.

So... I go into hospital tomorrow and will have surgery on Thursday to fit a couple of stents. There will be posts as usual: I scheduled one week's worth of posts to keep things going.

The down side is that there's no wi-fi at the hospital, so you'll have to be patient regarding any news. The surgeon said I would be in for three days, because he thought I would have an epidural or a spinal block, but the anesthetist decided to go for a general anesthetic when he saw my medical history. I had transverse myelitis in 2000 and after consulting with a neurologist, the anesthetist thought it could be risky to mess with my spine. Having general anesthetic will possibly extend my stay in hospital to between five and seven days.

The other downside is the hospital food. A few weeks ago I had to spend a day having various pre-surgery tests and they gave me a very nice room. Lunch was included, but I wouldn't offer it to a pig! I asked the nurse if the food was always so "delicious." She laughed and said yes, it's always incredibly delicious.

We're going to take a lot of our own stuff!

Monday, 6 January 2014

Time to say a big thank you

Amy suggested a post where people can express their gratitude to the guys who are very committed to their work.

Here's to you, Mr Sleuth!

Sunday, 5 January 2014

Our very handsome new friend

Pallottine sent us some photos of Cody. What a cute little guy!