Monday, 30 September 2013

Women, men and leather

Mrsgunka sent us this interesting bit of trivia:

Did you know that when a woman wears leather, a man's heart beats quicker, his throat gets dry, he gets weak in the knees, and he begins to think irrationally?

Did you ever wonder why?

It's because she smells like a brand new truck.

Thank you for the laugh, MrsG.

Sunday, 29 September 2013

Without further ado, we go back to cats

I love this video. There are loads more on youtube. Simon's cat is a real character! Enjoy.

Wednesday, 25 September 2013

Time for a kilt post...

MacGregor tartan


Q - "Is anything worn under the kilt?

A - "No, everything is in perfect working order."


Tuesday, 24 September 2013

Cats galore

Where would this blog be without pictures of cats, eh?

Monday, 23 September 2013

Hobson's unfortunate choice of words

I've been reading books by British stage, movie and TV actress Maureen Lipman, where she relates many hilarious anecdotes about herself and fellow thespians.

One of her favourite stories is worth repeating, and I hope it makes sense to my American friends...

"... the producer was keen on Hobson's Choice, but I had such strong memories of Julia McKenzie in the role of that I doubted my capabilities to measure up to her.

Julia McKenzie

Almost my favourite theatrical anecdote is Julia's experience of playing Maggie Hobson to Ronald Pickup's Willy Mossop. One night, well into the run, she came to the moment in the show when Maggie summons Willy from the basement to inform him that he has great skills as a cobbler and she intends him to be her husband. 'Willy,' she tells him, 'show me your hands,' and goes on to tell him that he has the hands of a craftsman.

Ronald Pickup

On this particular night, she summoned him as usual, he poked his head out of the trapdoor and, bright as a button, she rapped out the command: 'Hans, show me your willy!'

Suffice it to say that the Willy in question shot back down the trapdoor and Maggie Hobson got uncommonly interested in the dusting of every article on the upstage mantelpiece!"

Spoonerisms tend to be quite funny, but the example above is a winner! [A spoonerism is an error in speech or deliberate play on words in which corresponding consonants, vowels or morphemes are switched between two words in a phrase.]

Maureen Lipman
[Just in case the anecdote doesn't translate well, change the character's name to Dick Mossop...]

Sunday, 22 September 2013

Love and pain

Mrsgunka sent us this joke. Thank you, MrsG.

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.

Upon their arrival, the doctor said that the hospital was testing an amazing new high-tech machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the baby's father.

He asked if they were interested. Both said they were very much in favor of it.

The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.

But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch.

The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor then checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing.

At this point they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well.

Since the pain transfer was obviously helping the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.

The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain and the husband had experienced none. She and her husband were ecstatic.

When they got home they found the mailman dead on the porch.

Friday, 20 September 2013

A fun birthday greeting

Dave Allen was a great Irish comedian. What could be better than a bit of Irish fun to wish our resident Leprechaun a happy birthday?

Happy birthday, dear Pallottine!

Thursday, 19 September 2013

There you are, Mrsgunka

MrsG has been raving about this commercial, so I found it. Enjoy!

Wednesday, 18 September 2013

Golden oldies

An eighty-five-year-old man marries a beautiful twenty-two-year old woman. Because her husband is so old, the bride thinks it's safer for them to sleep in separate rooms, fearful that he might overexert himself and come to some harm.

After the wedding, the young bride gets ready for bed, climbs under the covers and waits expectantly. Sure enough, she hears a knock. The door opens and there stands her husband, ready for action. When they finish making love, the old man leaves and his young wife prepares to sleep.

A few minutes later she wakes to another knock on the door. Her husband walks in, climbs into bed and makes love to her. She's very surprised with his prowess. He kisses her and goes back to his room.

The young lady is exhausted by now and quickly falls asleep, only to be awoken in a short while by her husband knocking on her door. He comes in as fresh as a twenty-five-year old and they make love again.

When he's set to leave, the bride turns to him and says, "I'm amazed, darling. I've been with men a quarter of your age who were good only once! You're a fantastic lover."

Somewhat embarrassed, the old man scratches his head, turns to his wife and says, "You mean I've been here already?"


The old couple are lying in bed when the wife says,

"Do you remember when we were first married and you used to hold my hand before we went to sleep?"

So the husband holds her hand and tries to go back to sleep.

"Darling, you also used to hug me when we were in bed."

He puts his arm around her and tries to go to sleep.

"You always kissed me as well."

He gives her a peck on the cheek, turns to the other side, covers his head with the pillow and tries once again to get some sleep.

"Ah, and you loved to bite my earlobe."

He throws the covers, puts the bedside light on, puts on his slippers and leaves the room.

"Where are you going???"

"To get my teeth!"

Tuesday, 17 September 2013

A vet with a sense of fun

Shapeshifterbelly found some funny signs for a vet clinic:

Thank you, SSB.

Monday, 16 September 2013

A lovely house

I was going through my pictures when I came across some photos of my sister's house in Brazil. It's small but perfectly formed. She designed it herself and lived in it for many happy years. Alas, she sold it and moved to Miami (all her daughters live there), where she now lives in what can only be described as a box...

Sunday, 15 September 2013

Obsolete words - The true meanings

I hope you agree with me, but I think the overall winner of our silly competition is View. Everybody came up with some very funny definitions, but View was on a roll!

Congratulations to all who took part.

Kench - To laugh loudly (LOL!)
Ludibrious - Subject of mockery, butt of the joke
Jollux - A fat person
Freck - To move swiftly and nimbly
Groak - To watch silently while others eat, hoping to be invited to join in
Spermologer - A collector of trivia, gossipmonger
With squirrel - Yes, you guessed: Pregnant

[Once upon a time, there was a ludibrious woman who claimed to be with squirrel. It turned out she was with cushion...]

Saturday, 14 September 2013

So cute when angry?


I'll post the results of the (hilarious) obsolete words competition tomorrow. That way, whoever missed yesterday's post would still to be able to come up with their own definitions and/or sentences.

Friday, 13 September 2013

Obsolete words competition

You all know how much I love words... I came across some really weird old words and thought of our silly competitions, as we haven't had one for a while.

Write a witty definition for each of the following words, put them in a sentence, the usual stuff. And remember: No googling!

1) Kench
2) Ludibrious
3) Jollux
4) Freck
5) Groak
6) Spermologer
7) With squirrel


Thursday, 12 September 2013

Intriguing black & white photo

I like how the birds and their shadows form an uneven pattern. The photo is by Alexei Bednij. There are other examples of his work HERE.

Wednesday, 11 September 2013


Mrsgunka sent us another good joke. Thank you, MrsG.

The old man placed an order for one hamburger, French fries and a drink. He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife.

He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.

He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them . As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering. Obviously they were thinking, 'That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.'

As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said they were just fine - they were used to sharing everything.

People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.

Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman said 'No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything.'

Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked 'What is it you are waiting for?'

'The teeth!"