Monday, 14 April 2014

Southern extremes

At a southern university, students in the psychology program were attending their first class on emotional extremes.

"Just to establish some parameters," said the professor to the student from Arkansas, "what is the opposite of joy?"

"Sadness," said the student.

"And the opposite of depression?" he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma.

"Elation," she said.

"And you sir," he said to the young man from Texas, "what about the opposite of woe?"

The Texan replied, "Sir, I believe that would be 'giddy up'."


Sunday, 13 April 2014

A very good explanation

Little Reggie was a terror and had not been invited to any birthday parties for a whole year. When a new family moved to town, he received an invitation to the little girl's birthday party.



Reggie's mom lectured him from the moment the invitation arrived until she dropped him at the party.

"It's your last chance, Reggie! If you disgrace yourself this time, we might as well move to another town. None of the other mothers speaks to me anymore! Are you listening to me? You HAVE to behave yourself today! Now you go in and be a good boy. Show everybody how much you have changed."

When she returned home, the phone was ringing. It was Reggie asking to be picked up. She saw red!


Reggie was waiting outside the house and his mom shouted for him to get in the car and not say a word. "You're in big trouble, young man!"

He attempted to say something, but she wouldn't hear it. "Don't talk to me, Reggie. Just wait until your father gets back from golf and you can talk to him! I've had enough!"

Reggie was sent straight to his room to wait for his father, who arrived hours later. His wife greeted him:

"You need to talk to Reggie! He misbehaved at a party again. He lasted five minutes this time! You deal with him and tell him we can't have this kind of thing anymore. Enough is enough! I don't know what to do with this boy!"

The father went upstairs and found Reggie dozing off, fully dressed, on top of the bedcover.

"Reggie, wake up. Your mother tells me your were very naughty again. What do you have to say for yourself?"

The little boy yawned, rubbed his eyes and said:

"The party is tomorrow, Dad."

****************************************************************************

HAPPY REAL BIRTHDAY, SPIKE! Your party was quite something last night, eh? I'm glad everybody had such a good time and hope you've enjoyed yourself. Have a great day!

Saturday, 12 April 2014

Party for a girl in Iowa... ***UPDATE***

Today it's Spike's birthday. We need cakes and plenty of drinks of all kinds!

Happy birthday, dear Spike.








***UPDATE***

I managed to throw Spike's party one day early! Her birthday is tomorrow. I knew that, but convinced myself today was already the 13th. Ah, well. C'est la vie... I hope I don't mess up the rest of the April birthdays!

Two happy birthdays, Spike. Party on!

Thursday, 10 April 2014

Miraculous strength and a heart of gold

Mrsgunka sent us this funny video and a wicked joke. Thank you, MrsG.



************

If you think lawyers don't have heart, read the best lawyer story of all time... bar none.

The United Way realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer.

So a United Way volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office.

The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, 'Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community through the United Way?’

The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, 'First, did your research also show you that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness, and she has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?'

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbles, 'Uh... No, I didn't know that.'

'Secondly,' says the lawyer, 'did it show that my brother, a disabled Veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children?

The stricken United Way rep begins to stammer an apology, but is cut off again…

'Thirdly, did your research also show you that my sister's husband died in a dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children, one of whom is disabled and another that has learning disabilities requiring an array of private tutors?'

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, says, 'I'm so sorry. I had no idea.'

And the lawyer says, 'So, if I didn't give any money to them, what makes you think I'd give any to you?