Sunday, 13 April 2014

A very good explanation

Little Reggie was a terror and had not been invited to any birthday parties for a whole year. When a new family moved to town, he received an invitation to the little girl's birthday party.



Reggie's mom lectured him from the moment the invitation arrived until she dropped him at the party.

"It's your last chance, Reggie! If you disgrace yourself this time, we might as well move to another town. None of the other mothers speaks to me anymore! Are you listening to me? You HAVE to behave yourself today! Now you go in and be a good boy. Show everybody how much you have changed."

When she returned home, the phone was ringing. It was Reggie asking to be picked up. She saw red!


Reggie was waiting outside the house and his mom shouted for him to get in the car and not say a word. "You're in big trouble, young man!"

He attempted to say something, but she wouldn't hear it. "Don't talk to me, Reggie. Just wait until your father gets back from golf and you can talk to him! I've had enough!"

Reggie was sent straight to his room to wait for his father, who arrived hours later. His wife greeted him:

"You need to talk to Reggie! He misbehaved at a party again. He lasted five minutes this time! You deal with him and tell him we can't have this kind of thing anymore. Enough is enough! I don't know what to do with this boy!"

The father went upstairs and found Reggie dozing off, fully dressed, on top of the bedcover.

"Reggie, wake up. Your mother tells me your were very naughty again. What do you have to say for yourself?"

The little boy yawned, rubbed his eyes and said:

"The party is tomorrow, Dad."

****************************************************************************

HAPPY REAL BIRTHDAY, SPIKE! Your party was quite something last night, eh? I'm glad everybody had such a good time and hope you've enjoyed yourself. Have a great day!

Saturday, 12 April 2014

Party for a girl in Iowa... ***UPDATE***

Today it's Spike's birthday. We need cakes and plenty of drinks of all kinds!

Happy birthday, dear Spike.








***UPDATE***

I managed to throw Spike's party one day early! Her birthday is tomorrow. I knew that, but convinced myself today was already the 13th. Ah, well. C'est la vie... I hope I don't mess up the rest of the April birthdays!

Two happy birthdays, Spike. Party on!

Thursday, 10 April 2014

Miraculous strength and a heart of gold

Mrsgunka sent us this funny video and a wicked joke. Thank you, MrsG.



************

If you think lawyers don't have heart, read the best lawyer story of all time... bar none.

The United Way realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer.

So a United Way volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office.

The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, 'Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community through the United Way?’

The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, 'First, did your research also show you that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness, and she has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?'

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbles, 'Uh... No, I didn't know that.'

'Secondly,' says the lawyer, 'did it show that my brother, a disabled Veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children?

The stricken United Way rep begins to stammer an apology, but is cut off again…

'Thirdly, did your research also show you that my sister's husband died in a dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children, one of whom is disabled and another that has learning disabilities requiring an array of private tutors?'

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, says, 'I'm so sorry. I had no idea.'

And the lawyer says, 'So, if I didn't give any money to them, what makes you think I'd give any to you?

Wednesday, 9 April 2014

Priorities...

GrannyJ sent us this very funny joke. Thanks, GJ, I'm still chuckling...

A man woke up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot. The doctor came in and said, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, however, your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it."



The man groaned, but the doctor went on, "You have $9000 in insurance compensation coming, and we now have the technology to build a new penis. They work great but they don't come cheap. It's roughly $1000 an inch."

The man perked up.

"So," the doctor said, "You must decide how many inches you want. But I understand that you have been married for over thirty years and this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now she might be a bit put out. If you had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be disappointed. It's important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision."

The man agreed to talk it over with his wife.

The doctor came back the next day, "So, have you spoken with your wife?"

"Yes I have," said the man.

"And has she helped you make a decision?"

"Yes" said the man.

"What is your decision?" asked the doctor.

"We're getting granite counter tops."



Tuesday, 8 April 2014

Some cat and dog fun

The first cartoon is self-explanatory:


This one reminded me of GrannyJ's Dublin:


Meanwhile, somewhere in Kansas...

Monday, 7 April 2014

A wonderful shopping experience




Today it's Short Ribs birthday. She's an old friend from the old blog but hasn't been visiting lately. She did send us a funny contribution a couple of years ago, HERE. We have her daughter as a regular, though. PGFan, please relay our warmest birthday wishes to your mom.

Sunday, 6 April 2014

Curiosity...

I've saved a photo of my little first cousins twice removed a few weeks ago and the picture Amy posted yesterday reminded me of it. Another interesting coincidence, apart from the curiosity about what's on the other side of the fence, is the colour of the family dog.

Amy's boys, plus dog
My little cousins
...and their dog

Saturday, 5 April 2014

Party time!

It's our Mrsgunka's birthday today. We need a lot of cake, of course... These cakes reflect some of the things MrsG enjoys.

Happy birthday, dear, dear friend!

Planning a new kitchen

Starting a new project

Enjoying the garden

...and herding cats!



Thursday, 3 April 2014

The bright side of pain, stress and cold

Today's post is a bit late because I'm having some computer issues...

Some readers are going through one or more of the inconveniences illustrated below.




I hope this photo will help alleviate the distress caused by any of them, all of them!


Tuesday, 1 April 2014

It's a funny day

I searched for some original April Fool's pranks and this one caught my eye. It's from last year, in Australia:


Now for a quick groaner and then a lovely video.

Q: How much does it cost for a pirate to get his ears pierced?
A: A buck an ear.




Saturday, 29 March 2014

What she said

This video is in Russian, but it's hilarious just the same.


Thursday, 27 March 2014

Having a bad day

Mrsgunka sent me these, with a note: "I just loved these! Why did so many remind me of TW? :-)"

Thank you, MrsG.

First you had trouble getting out of bed 

You had a stiff neck

You felt like you had a hangover and you weren't even drinking last night 

Your new diet really doesn't seem to be working out

You pulled a muscle when you tried to exercise 

Your new hat looked better on you at the store

You keep losing things

You feel like you're always in the wrong place at the wrong time

The boss chewed you out at work

You got caught in the rain at lunchtime

Then the lunch you had didn't seem to agree with you

You feel trapped

Uninvited guests showed up at dinnertime

On top of that you think you're coming down with the flu

And finally, you're alone in the house at night when you
think you hear a noise in the basement


Wednesday, 26 March 2014

A day at the races

View sent us this excellent joke and he thought Amy would like it... Thanks, View.

A group of Kentucky second, third, and fourth graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to Churchill Downs, the famous Louisville race track, to see and learn about thoroughbred horses.
                         

When it was time to take the children to the bathroom, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.

The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.

Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the boys up, one by one.

As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, "You must be in the fourth grade."

He replied, "No, ma'am, I'm riding Silver Arrow in the 7th race."


[My laptop is playing up and won't let me upload photos to the blog. The blogger application on the iPad is very limited, so I can't format the post properly. I'm a bit anal about the look of the posts and I'm not a happy bunny!]