Tuesday, 25 March 2014

With age comes wisdom.



The guys were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Jack because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

The first guy slept with Jack and came to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you?

He said, "Jack snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."

The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot.

They said, "Man, you look awful!" He said, "That Jack shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night."

The third night was Fred's turn. Fred was a tanned, older guy, a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "Good morning!" he said. They couldn't believe it. They said, "Man, what happened?"

He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Jack into bed, patted him on the butt, and kissed him good night. Jack sat up and watched me all night."


Monday, 24 March 2014

Turenne

Turenne is classed as one of the most beautiful villages in France. It's a well deserved accolade. The atmosphere is hard to describe. Once inside the walls, it feels like you're in the past. There are no cars and the village is very well preserved. The view from the top of the tower is quite spectacular.


Now we step inside the village:




And we finish with the view:


Sunday, 23 March 2014

A star is born

Today is Star's birthday. Lets' have cakes and a few laughs. Most of the clips in the video are very funny and Star should like them, as an animal lover... Happy birthday, dear friend.



Make sure you have the sound on.


Saturday, 22 March 2014

Friday, 21 March 2014

The affairs

GrannyJ sent as a batch of jokes about infidelity. They're quite good! Thank you, GJ.


A married man is having an affair
With his secretary.

One day they went to her place
And made love all afternoon.

Exhausted, they fell asleep
And woke up at 8 PM.

The man hurriedly dressed
And told his lover to take his shoes
Outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.

He put on his shoes and drove home.

'Where have you been?' his wife demanded.

'I can't lie to you,' he replied,

'I'm having an affair with my secretary..
We had sex all afternoon.'

She looked down at his shoes and said:

'You lying bastard!
You've been playing golf!'

***********

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters
But always talked about having a son.

They decided to try one last time
For the son they always wanted.

The wife got pregnant
And delivered a healthy baby boy.

The joyful father rushed to the nursery
To see his new son.

He was horrified at the ugliest child
He had ever seen.

He told his wife: 'There's no way I can
Be the father of this baby.
Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!
Have you been fooling around behind my back?'

The wife smiled sweetly and replied:
'No, not this time!'

************

A mortician was working late one night.

He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz,
About to be cremated,
And made a startling discovery.
Schwartz had the largest private part
He had ever seen!

'I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,' the mortician
Commented, 'I can't allow you to be cremated
With such an impressive private part.
It must be saved for posterity.'

So, he removed it,
Stuffed it into his briefcase,
And took it home.

'I have something to show
You won't believe,' he said to his wife,
Opening his briefcase.

'My God!' the wife exclaimed,
'Schwartz is dead!'

************

A woman was in bed with her lover
When she heard her husband
Opening the front door.

'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.'

She rubbed baby oil all over him,
Then dusted him with talcum powder.

'Don't move until I tell you,'
She said. 'Pretend you're a statue.'

'What's this?' the husband inquired
As he entered the room..

'Oh it's a statue,' she replied.
'The Smiths bought one and I liked it
So I got one for us, too.'

No more was said,
Not even when they went to bed.

Around 2 AM the husband got up,
Went to the kitchen and returned
With a sandwich and a beer.

'Here,' he said to the statue, 'have this.
I stood like that for two days at the Smiths
And nobody offered me a damned thing..'

************

A man walked into a cafe,
Went to the bar and ordered a beer.

'Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent.'

'One Cent?' the man exclaimed...

He glanced at the menu and asked:
'How much for a nice juicy steak
And a bottle of wine?'

'A nickel,' the barman replied.

'A nickel?' exclaimed the man.
'Where's the guy who owns this place?'

The bartender replied:
'Upstairs, with my wife.'

The man asked: 'What's he doing upstairs
With your wife?'

The bartender replied:
'The same thing I'm doing
To his business down here.'

************

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

He looked up and said weakly:
'I have something I must confess.'

'There's no need to, 'his wife replied.

'No,' he insisted,
'I want to die in peace..
I slept with your sister, your best friend,
her best friend, and your mother!'

'I know,' she replied.
'Now just rest and let the poison work.'