We went to see our doctor yesterday, the conversation strayed into poo territory and I told her this joke. I thought she was going to wet herself...
A man got into the elevator of a medical center holding a clear plastic bag containing a gigantic poo and asked the operator for the 8th floor. The operator was horrified and said, "You want the 3rd floor, that's the floor for the lab." The guy said, "No, I want the eye doctor on the 8th floor."
The operator didn't want to engage the man in a long argument, so he took the elevator straight to the 8th floor to get rid of him quickly. As the man entered the ophthalmologist's office, the receptionist spotted the enormous poo and said, "You made a mistake, the lab is on the 3rd floor!" Again, the man said he didn't want the lab, he wanted the eye doctor.
Looking at the crowded waiting room and taking pity on the other patients, she buzzed him straight in, telling him to be quick.
When the door opened, the doctor took one look at the humongous poo and shouted, "You're mistaken, the lab is on another floor!" The man said he didn't want the lab, the problem was with his eyes. The doctor was baffled and asked, "What could possibly be wrong with your eyes?"
"Well doc, every time I do one of these," he said, pointing at the massive poo," my eyes fill with water..."
Friday, 7 February 2014
Thursday, 6 February 2014
Painting the picture of the picture
I don't know if these two paintings are by the same person, but if not, the artists definitely had similar ideas...
Labels:
art
Wednesday, 5 February 2014
An alternative to looking at cloud shapes
These drawings are by a Brazilian cartoonist. Popcorn shapes are a cool alternative to
cloud spotting...
Labels:
interesting
Tuesday, 4 February 2014
Monday, 3 February 2014
A wonderful example of aplomb
I hope the fun of this story is not lost in translation...
His Lordship was in the study when the butler approached and coughed discreetly.
"May I ask you a question my lord?"
"Go ahead, Carson” said his Lordship.
"I was reading an article in The Times and came across a word I am not too clear about."
"What word is that?" asked his Lordship.
"Aplomb”, my lord.
"Now that's a difficult one to explain. I would say it is self-assurance or complete composure."
"Thank you, my lord .... but I'm still a little confused."
"Let me give you an example to make it clearer. Do you remember a few months ago the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge arrived to spend a weekend with us?"
"I remember the occasion very well, my lord. It gave the staff and me much pleasure to look after them."
"Also", continued the his Lordship, "do you remember Will plucked a rose for Kate in the rose garden?"
"I was present on that occasion, my lord, ministering to their needs."
"While plucking the rose, a thorn embedded itself in his thumb very deeply."
Carson replied, "I witnessed the incident, my lord, and saw the Duchess herself remove the thorn and bandage his thumb with her own dainty handkerchief."
"That evening his thumb was so painful, Kate had to cut up his venison from our own estate, even though it was extremely tender."
"Yes, my lord, I did observe everything that transpired that evening."
"The next morning while you were pouring coffee for Her Ladyship, Kate enquired of Will in a loud voice, 'Darling, is your prick still throbbing?' And you, Carson, did not spill one drop of coffee!
Now that is aplomb!"
His Lordship was in the study when the butler approached and coughed discreetly.
"May I ask you a question my lord?"
"Go ahead, Carson” said his Lordship.
"I was reading an article in The Times and came across a word I am not too clear about."
"What word is that?" asked his Lordship.
"Aplomb”, my lord.
"Now that's a difficult one to explain. I would say it is self-assurance or complete composure."
"Thank you, my lord .... but I'm still a little confused."
"Let me give you an example to make it clearer. Do you remember a few months ago the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge arrived to spend a weekend with us?"
"I remember the occasion very well, my lord. It gave the staff and me much pleasure to look after them."
"Also", continued the his Lordship, "do you remember Will plucked a rose for Kate in the rose garden?"
"I was present on that occasion, my lord, ministering to their needs."
"While plucking the rose, a thorn embedded itself in his thumb very deeply."
Carson replied, "I witnessed the incident, my lord, and saw the Duchess herself remove the thorn and bandage his thumb with her own dainty handkerchief."
"That evening his thumb was so painful, Kate had to cut up his venison from our own estate, even though it was extremely tender."
"Yes, my lord, I did observe everything that transpired that evening."
"The next morning while you were pouring coffee for Her Ladyship, Kate enquired of Will in a loud voice, 'Darling, is your prick still throbbing?' And you, Carson, did not spill one drop of coffee!
Now that is aplomb!"
Labels:
jokes
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