Sunday, 7 October 2012

Fabulous

We had a post about great comebacks recently. View_From_Here sent me this joke, which fits in with the theme quite nicely...

Thank you, View.

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband... She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:

"Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty, you're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?

"We're taking Easy Jet," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

"Easy Jet?" exclaimed the hairdresser... That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome ?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."

"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it's going be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome .

"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Easy Jet's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, so they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.

And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a £5 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their presidential suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.

Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."

"Oh, really! What did he say?"












He said: "Who the f*ck did your hair?"

Thursday, 4 October 2012

Quick wit

Most of us have trouble coming up with a witty retort at the right time. Usually, the clever remark only comes to us hours after the event...

Amy1, aka Ottoline, sent me a collection of very good examples of quick wit. Thank you!

Winston Churchill vs. Lady Astor



Groucho Marx vs. a contestant on “You Bet Your Life,” after the contestant revealed that he was a father of 10



Abraham Lincoln vs. Stephen Douglas, after Douglas called him “two-faced” during a debate



Pierre Trudeau vs. Richard Nixon, upon hearing that Nixon had called him an asshole



Oscar Wilde vs. Lewis Morris… Morris had just been passed over for the Poet Laureateship



Miriam Hopkins vs. an anonymous singer



James McNeill Whistler vs. Oscar Wilde, after Whistler 
had made a particularly witty observation



Bill Clinton vs. Dan Quayle, after Quayle revealed that he planned to be “a pit bull” in the 1992 campaign



Winston Churchill vs. a Member of Parliament



Calvin Coolidge vs. some random lady at a White House dinner



Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart vs. an admirer


Wednesday, 3 October 2012

Ouch!

Here's another wicked joke from our Mrsgunka:

A man got on the bus with both of his front trouser pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde.The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.


Finally, after many glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls."

The blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, thinking deeply about what he had said.

After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked, 

"Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow ?"

Thank you, Mrsgunka.