View_From_Here sent me this:
A group of 15-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Dairy Queen, next door to the Ocean View restaurant, because they had only $6.00 among them and Brad Johnson, the cute boy in Social Studies, lived on that street.
10 years later, the group of 25-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant, because the beer was cheap, the restaurant offered free snacks, the band was good, there was no cover charge, and there were lots of cute guys.
10 years later, the group of 35-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant, because the cosmos were good, it was right near the gym and, if they went late enough, there wouldn't be too many whiny little kids.
10 years later, the group of 45-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant, because the martinis were big, and the waiters wore tight pants and had nice buns.
10 years later, the group of 55-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant, because the prices were reasonable, the wine list was good, the restaurant had windows that opened (in case of hot flashes), and they served fish which is good for your cholesterol.
10 years later, the group of 65-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant, because the lighting was good, and the restaurant had a senior citizen discounts.
10 years later, the group of 75-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant, because the food was not too spicy, and the restaurant was handicapped-accessible.
10 years later, the group of 85-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant, because they had never been there before.
Thanks, View.
Sunday, 19 August 2012
Saturday, 18 August 2012
Heart of gold
Mrsgunka strikes again:
The United Way realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer. So a United Way volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office.
The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, "Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community through the United Way?"
The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, "First, did your research also show you that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness and she has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?"
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbles, "Uh . . . no, I didn't know that."
"Secondly," says the lawyer, "did it show that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and unable to support his wife and six children?"
The stricken United Way rep begins to stammer an apology, but is cut off again.
"Thirdly, did your research also show you that my sister's husband died in a dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children, one of whom is disabled and another who has learning disabilities requiring an array of private tutors?"
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, says, "I'm so sorry, I had no idea."
And the lawyer says,
"So. . . if I didn't give any money to them, what the hell makes you think I'd give any to you?"
Thank you, MrsG.
The United Way realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer. So a United Way volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office.
The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, "Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community through the United Way?"
The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, "First, did your research also show you that my mother is dying after a long, painful illness and she has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?"
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbles, "Uh . . . no, I didn't know that."
"Secondly," says the lawyer, "did it show that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and unable to support his wife and six children?"
The stricken United Way rep begins to stammer an apology, but is cut off again.
"Thirdly, did your research also show you that my sister's husband died in a dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children, one of whom is disabled and another who has learning disabilities requiring an array of private tutors?"
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, says, "I'm so sorry, I had no idea."
And the lawyer says,
"So. . . if I didn't give any money to them, what the hell makes you think I'd give any to you?"
Thank you, MrsG.
Labels:
funnies
Friday, 17 August 2012
It's hell to be old
We worked all morning and half of the afternoon. Then it got much too hot, so we went to the beach!
Today's joke come courtesy of View_From_Here. Thanks, View.
An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this -- first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.
My wife tried to help. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing.'
The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbor?' The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get the darn jar open.'
[Happy anniversary, Mr & Mrs Spike!]
Today's joke come courtesy of View_From_Here. Thanks, View.
An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this -- first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.
My wife tried to help. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing.'
The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbor?' The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get the darn jar open.'
[Happy anniversary, Mr & Mrs Spike!]
Labels:
funnies
Thursday, 16 August 2012
Good news
I don't know if you remember, but a while ago I asked you to send good thoughts to a dear friend who was very ill, hanging in there by a thread. It worked! He and his wife are staying at our friend Hilary's (in the next village) for a few days. We saw them yesterday and he looks great. Today we have plans for a day at the beach with them, so the garden will have to wait...
Here's a quick funny picture to celebrate our good mood:
Here's a quick funny picture to celebrate our good mood:
Labels:
funnies,
nice stuff
Wednesday, 15 August 2012
A day at the races
We're back from the races, 25€ richer! It was my very first time at the races and I really enjoyed it. We picked up a poster, but it's too big for my scanner, even trying to do it in halves, so Peter made me stick it to the wall and photograph it. He was adamant that you should see it. He even thought about going back to the stand where we got it, help ourselves to a load of them and send to all of you by post! It was starting to rain quite hard and we would have arrived home with a lot of papier mache, so we passed on the idea...
There you are, courtesy of Peter:
[I'm sorry it's bit out of focus. Piroutte kept bumping my arm while I was trying to take the photos... this is the best of the lot.]
There you are, courtesy of Peter:
[I'm sorry it's bit out of focus. Piroutte kept bumping my arm while I was trying to take the photos... this is the best of the lot.]
Labels:
France
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