Today's laugh comes courtesy of our Mrsgunka.
Two blondes were sipping their Starbucks when a truck went past loaded up with rolls of sod.
"I'm going to do that when I win the lottery," announced the first blonde.
"Do what?" asked her friend.
"Send my lawn out to be mowed."
Thank you, Mrsgunka.
Saturday, 16 June 2012
Thursday, 14 June 2012
Agent Murphy
Mrsgunka sent me this joke. For some reason, she thought of Irishgirl and Pallottine... ha ha!
A secret agent was sent to Ireland to pick up some very sensitive information from an agent called Murphy. His instructions were to walk around town using a code phrase until he met his fellow agent. He found himself on an isolated country road and finally ran into a farmer.
"Hello, said the agent, "I'm looking for a man called Murphy."
"Well you're in luck," said the farmer. "As it happens, there's a village right over the hill where a butcher is called Murphy, the baker is named Murphy, and three widows are called Murphy. In fact, my name is Murphy."
"Aha," thought the agent, "here's my man." So he whispered the secret code: "The sun is shining ... the grass is growing ... the cows are ready for milking."
"Oh," said the farmer, "you're looking for Murphy the spy. He's in the village over the other direction."
Cheers, Mrsgunka!
A secret agent was sent to Ireland to pick up some very sensitive information from an agent called Murphy. His instructions were to walk around town using a code phrase until he met his fellow agent. He found himself on an isolated country road and finally ran into a farmer.
"Hello, said the agent, "I'm looking for a man called Murphy."
"Well you're in luck," said the farmer. "As it happens, there's a village right over the hill where a butcher is called Murphy, the baker is named Murphy, and three widows are called Murphy. In fact, my name is Murphy."
"Aha," thought the agent, "here's my man." So he whispered the secret code: "The sun is shining ... the grass is growing ... the cows are ready for milking."
"Oh," said the farmer, "you're looking for Murphy the spy. He's in the village over the other direction."
Cheers, Mrsgunka!
Labels:
funnies
Wednesday, 13 June 2012
Oh, to be young and supple!
View_From_Here sent me this video. It does make aged backs hurt!
Thank you, View.
Thank you, View.
Labels:
videos
Tuesday, 12 June 2012
Monday, 11 June 2012
Did you lose a cat?
Mrsgunka sent me some photos of animals and this one was among them. Hey Sleuth, it made me think of you!
Sunday, 10 June 2012
Modern times
I can't remember if I've posted this before, but I found it in one of my folders and I think it's funny.
Labels:
funnies
Saturday, 9 June 2012
Friday, 8 June 2012
Contradictions
I find it amazing that in the country that gave us so many inventions and made so many discoveries there exists a political party that despises the intellectual elites and seems hellbent on dismantling the public school system.
The GOP presidential candidates pandered to religious extremist groups which encourage teaching creationism as science and repudiate the theory of evolution. They're suspicious of science and scientists.
Ironically, they like to remind us of American exceptionalism, but not for the countless remarkable achievements over the past few centuries. No, it seems that to them, America is exceptional in the sense of shoving "democracy" down people's throats, invading and manipulating other countries.
Ignorance and vulgarity are glorified. Television is full of inane programs that show people at their worst. Political pundits spout idiocies every single day. Dumbing down is rapidly accelerating.
Where would we be without the things on the following list, all invented or discovered by Americans? The people who dedicated their lives to make our lives better are now despised as belonging to some mythical, evil elite, as if being curious and innovative were cardinals sins.
There's so much to make any American proud, yet the GOP chooses to massage the egos of people who are proud to proclaim that the only book they've ever read is the bible.
Here's a very short list of American achievements and I would like to thank and pay tribute to the truly exceptional people who made all these things part of our everyday lives.
Morse code
Combine harvester
Circuit breaker
Medical glove
Safety razor
Hearing aid
Windshield wiper (invented by a woman)
Pop-up toaster
Band-aid
Iron lung
ATM
Microwave oven
Carbon dating
Correction fluid ( a woman again)
Air bags
Heart-lung machine
WD-40
CPR
Video tape
Laser
Integrated circuit
GPS
LED
Personal computer
Computer mouse
CD/DVD
Pocket calculators
MRI
Cellphone
Heimlich manoeuvre
Barcode
Digital camera
Lunar module
Space shuttle
Wheeled luggage
Nicotine patch
Vitamins A, B, E and many others
Several life-saving antibiotics
DNA structure
Heparin
Warfarin
Polio Vaccine
And many, many other things we take for granted.
Labels:
politics
Thursday, 7 June 2012
Wednesday, 6 June 2012
Something to make you smile
MD sent me a nice collection of photos, some cute, some funny and a couple of moving ones. Thank you, MD.
Labels:
heartwarming,
pets,
photos
Tuesday, 5 June 2012
Mission accomplished
Our ceiling fan is installed and works beautifully. Our friends Keith and Hilary arrived at 11 am, we had coffee, then Keith and Peter got on with it while the girls caught up with the latest gossip and prepared lunch. The whole thing was up by the time we sat down to eat, all that was left to be done was connecting the cables, which Keith did in five minutes.
Now we have to wait for the next heatwave...
*****
Mrsgunka sent me a nice, short joke:
An old married couple was at home watching TV.
The husband had the remote and was switching back and forth between a fishing channel and the porn channel.
The wife became more and more annoyed and finally said,
"For god's sake! Leave it on the porn channel. You already know how to fish!"
Thank you, Mrsgunka.
Now we have to wait for the next heatwave...
*****
Mrsgunka sent me a nice, short joke:
An old married couple was at home watching TV.
The husband had the remote and was switching back and forth between a fishing channel and the porn channel.
The wife became more and more annoyed and finally said,
"For god's sake! Leave it on the porn channel. You already know how to fish!"
Thank you, Mrsgunka.
Labels:
funnies
Monday, 4 June 2012
Fun and games chez nous
I'm sorry I didn't post anything interesting today. We had a plumbing emergency. All the meters are in the basement and we never go there, but today I happened to pass by the door and heard a gushing noise. When I opened the door, I was hit by a strong jet of water, so I rushed upstairs to call Peter and ring a plumber.
Peter closed the main valve and I told the neighbours what had happened. Our plumber's wife, who's in charge of fielding his calls, can only be described as a witch (we had previous experience with her when the apartment was being modernized). I explained what was going on and she promised to ring me back as soon as possible. A good hour passed without any response from her, the husband or his sidekick didn't turn up, and nobody in the building had any water.
As luck will have it, a local plumber has a warehouse where he stores his equipment just down the road from us and the plumbers had just arrived to leave their van on their way home. I quickly went to them and explained our plight. They came, had a look, talked a lot in impenetrable French, welded the pipe, asked me to test our taps (faucets) and that was it. When I asked how much I owed them, they said they would send me a bill. All within half an hour.
I rang the witch and got the answering machine, so I left a message saying thank you, but everything was ok and we wouldn't need their services after all.
How's that for an exciting day, eh? Tomorrow we're installing a ceiling fan with the help of a friend who knows what he's doing. That's very good, because we don't have a clue.
Wish us luck. Considering the fact that I managed to steam one of my assets while cooking dinner last night and the burst pipe today, I think we're going to need it!
Peter closed the main valve and I told the neighbours what had happened. Our plumber's wife, who's in charge of fielding his calls, can only be described as a witch (we had previous experience with her when the apartment was being modernized). I explained what was going on and she promised to ring me back as soon as possible. A good hour passed without any response from her, the husband or his sidekick didn't turn up, and nobody in the building had any water.
As luck will have it, a local plumber has a warehouse where he stores his equipment just down the road from us and the plumbers had just arrived to leave their van on their way home. I quickly went to them and explained our plight. They came, had a look, talked a lot in impenetrable French, welded the pipe, asked me to test our taps (faucets) and that was it. When I asked how much I owed them, they said they would send me a bill. All within half an hour.
I rang the witch and got the answering machine, so I left a message saying thank you, but everything was ok and we wouldn't need their services after all.
How's that for an exciting day, eh? Tomorrow we're installing a ceiling fan with the help of a friend who knows what he's doing. That's very good, because we don't have a clue.
Wish us luck. Considering the fact that I managed to steam one of my assets while cooking dinner last night and the burst pipe today, I think we're going to need it!
Labels:
help
Sunday, 3 June 2012
A very royal occasion
We watched the Diamond Jubilee Pageant this afternoon, which was quite interesting. We're not big fans of royalty, but enjoyed seeing all the boats. Towards the grand finale, the skies opened and drenched everybody. The footage below is from before the deluge.
This is from the Daily Telegraph (not my favourite source, but it was all I could find):
The Thames Diamond Jubilee Pageant made its way 10 miles along the river from Battersea to Tower Bridge, where an “Avenue of Sail” – made up 98 vessels too large to join the pageant itself – was waiting.
Figures from the organisers showed that the total number of craft expected to be on the water for the historic occasion – including safety boats and those moored along the route – is 1,066.
Such was the fleet’s size, it took 75 minutes to pass.
The Brits are very good at organizing this kind of thing, even during a recession. It must have cost a fortune. The four-day celebration started yesterday at the Epsom Derby and will come to an close on Tuesday.
Finally!
I think I had more than enough of all things relating to the queen in the past few weeks. On some days there was very little else on TV...
This is from the Daily Telegraph (not my favourite source, but it was all I could find):
The Thames Diamond Jubilee Pageant made its way 10 miles along the river from Battersea to Tower Bridge, where an “Avenue of Sail” – made up 98 vessels too large to join the pageant itself – was waiting.
Figures from the organisers showed that the total number of craft expected to be on the water for the historic occasion – including safety boats and those moored along the route – is 1,066.
Such was the fleet’s size, it took 75 minutes to pass.
The Brits are very good at organizing this kind of thing, even during a recession. It must have cost a fortune. The four-day celebration started yesterday at the Epsom Derby and will come to an close on Tuesday.
Finally!
I think I had more than enough of all things relating to the queen in the past few weeks. On some days there was very little else on TV...
Labels:
anniversary
Saturday, 2 June 2012
So true!
Mrsgunka sent me this all too familiar tale...
When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place.
Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.
Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall.
You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants!
The dispenser for the modern "seat covers" (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty.
You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume " The Stance."
In this position your aging, toneless (God I should have gone to the gym!!!) thigh muscles begin to shake.
You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance".
To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!" Your thighs shake more.
You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That will have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail.
Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work.
The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet.
"Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT.
It is wet of course.
You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try.
You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get".
By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes.
The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.
At this point, you give up... You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat.
You're e-x-h-a-u-s-t-e-d.
You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket! and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.
You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, .....so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.
You are no longer able to smile politely to them.
A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this".
As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom.
Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?"
This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse, and hand you Kleenex under the door!
Thank you, Mrsgunka.
When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place.
Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.
Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall.
You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants!
The dispenser for the modern "seat covers" (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty.
You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume " The Stance."
In this position your aging, toneless (God I should have gone to the gym!!!) thigh muscles begin to shake.
You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance".
To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!" Your thighs shake more.
You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That will have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail.
Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work.
The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet.
"Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT.
It is wet of course.
You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try.
You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get".
By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes.
The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.
At this point, you give up... You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat.
You're e-x-h-a-u-s-t-e-d.
You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket! and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.
You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, .....so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.
You are no longer able to smile politely to them.
A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this".
As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom.
Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?"
This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse, and hand you Kleenex under the door!
Thank you, Mrsgunka.
Labels:
funnies
Friday, 1 June 2012
The power of good weather and positive thinking
I'm late posting today... We spent the day in Tulle, shopping and having a couple of drinks out in the sun. We chatted a lot, talked about friends near and far and watched people. All in all, it was a very nice day.
The weather has been consistently miserable for months on end and it's lovely to be able to go out without an umbrella!
We could see people being happy, enjoying each other's company. We even had some conversations with complete strangers!
Here are some photos of Tulle:
We were also thinking about a very special friend, sending good vibes and best wishes. I like to believe that sending good vibes helps friends going through difficult times. Please join us in this positive thinking, just channel your thoughts through us.
This blog is a tight community and together we do have the power to help each other from a distance.
It's hot, I'm starting to ramble... I think it's time to have a cold beer!
Labels:
friends
Thursday, 31 May 2012
Wednesday, 30 May 2012
Innovative doctor
Here's another cheeky joke, courtesy of View_From_Here:
A guy visiting in Hawaii fell asleep on the beach for several hours and got a horrible
sunburn, specifically to his upper legs. He went to the hospital, and was promptly admitted
after being diagnosed with second-degree burns.
With his skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain he was in, the doctor
prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline, electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra
pill every four hours.
The nurse, who was rather astounded, asked, 'What good will Viagra do for him, Doctor’?
The doctor replied, 'It won't do anything for his condition, but it’ll keep the sheets off his
legs.'
Thank you, View.
A guy visiting in Hawaii fell asleep on the beach for several hours and got a horrible
sunburn, specifically to his upper legs. He went to the hospital, and was promptly admitted
after being diagnosed with second-degree burns.
With his skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain he was in, the doctor
prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline, electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra
pill every four hours.
The nurse, who was rather astounded, asked, 'What good will Viagra do for him, Doctor’?
The doctor replied, 'It won't do anything for his condition, but it’ll keep the sheets off his
legs.'
Thank you, View.
Labels:
funnies
Tuesday, 29 May 2012
Monday, 28 May 2012
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