Monday, 4 June 2012

Fun and games chez nous

I'm sorry I didn't post anything interesting today. We had a plumbing emergency. All the meters are in the basement and we never go there, but today I happened to pass by the door and heard a gushing noise. When I opened the door, I was hit by a strong jet of water, so I rushed upstairs to call Peter and ring a plumber.

Peter closed the main valve and I told the neighbours what had happened. Our plumber's wife, who's in charge of fielding his calls, can only be described as a witch (we had previous experience with her when the apartment was being modernized). I explained what was going on and she promised to ring me back as soon as possible. A good hour passed without any response from her, the husband or his sidekick didn't turn up, and nobody in the building had any water.


As luck will have it, a local plumber has a warehouse where he stores his equipment just down the road from us and the plumbers had just arrived to leave their van on their way home. I quickly went to them and explained our plight. They came, had a look, talked a lot in impenetrable French, welded the pipe, asked me to test our taps (faucets) and that was it. When I asked how much I owed them, they said they would send me a bill. All within half an hour.

I rang the witch and got the answering machine, so I left a message saying thank you, but everything was ok and we wouldn't need their services after all.

How's that for an exciting day, eh? Tomorrow we're installing a ceiling fan with the help of a friend who knows what he's doing. That's very good, because we don't have a clue.


Wish us luck. Considering the fact that I managed to steam one of my assets while cooking dinner last night and the burst pipe today, I think we're going to need it!


Sunday, 3 June 2012

A very royal occasion

We watched the Diamond Jubilee Pageant this afternoon, which was quite interesting. We're not big fans of royalty, but enjoyed seeing all the boats. Towards the grand finale, the skies opened and drenched everybody. The footage below is from before the deluge.

This is from the Daily Telegraph (not my favourite source, but it was all I could find):

The Thames Diamond Jubilee Pageant made its way 10 miles along the river from Battersea to Tower Bridge, where an “Avenue of Sail” – made up 98 vessels too large to join the pageant itself – was waiting.


Figures from the organisers showed that the total number of craft expected to be on the water for the historic occasion – including safety boats and those moored along the route – is 1,066.


Such was the fleet’s size, it took 75 minutes to pass.


The Brits are very good at organizing this kind of thing, even during a recession. It must have cost a fortune. The four-day celebration started yesterday at the Epsom Derby and will come to an close on Tuesday.

Finally!

I think I had more than enough of all things relating to the queen in the past few weeks. On some days there was very little else on TV...

Saturday, 2 June 2012

So true!

Mrsgunka sent me this all too familiar tale...


When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place.


Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.


Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall.


You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants!


The dispenser for the modern "seat covers" (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty.


You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume " The Stance."


In this position your aging, toneless (God I should have gone to the gym!!!) thigh muscles begin to shake.


You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance".


To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!" Your thighs shake more.


You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That will have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail.


Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work.


The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet.


"Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT.


It is wet of course.


You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try.


You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get".


By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes.


The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.


At this point, you give up... You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat.


You're e-x-h-a-u-s-t-e-d.


You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket! and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.


You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, .....so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.


You are no longer able to smile politely to them.


A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this".


As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom.


Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?"



This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse, and hand you Kleenex under the door!


Thank you, Mrsgunka.

Friday, 1 June 2012

The power of good weather and positive thinking

I'm late posting today... We spent the day in Tulle, shopping and having a couple of drinks out in the sun. We chatted a lot, talked about friends near and far and watched people. All in all, it was a very nice day. 

The weather has been consistently miserable for months on end and it's lovely to be able to go out without an umbrella!

We could see people being happy, enjoying each other's company. We even had some conversations with complete strangers!

Here are some photos of Tulle:





We were also thinking about a very special friend, sending good vibes and best wishes. I like to believe that sending good vibes helps friends going through difficult times. Please join us in this positive thinking, just channel your thoughts through us.

This blog is a tight community and together we do have the power to help each other from a distance. 

It's hot, I'm starting to ramble... I think it's time to have a cold beer!

Thursday, 31 May 2012

Bailando...

It's hot here. That makes my Spanish side want to dance!



Wednesday, 30 May 2012

Innovative doctor

Here's another cheeky joke, courtesy of View_From_Here:

A guy visiting in Hawaii fell asleep on the beach for several hours and got a horrible
sunburn, specifically to his upper legs. He went to the hospital, and was promptly admitted
after being diagnosed with second-degree burns.


With his skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain he was in, the doctor
prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline, electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra
pill every four hours.

The nurse, who was rather astounded, asked, 'What good will Viagra do for him, Doctor’?

The doctor replied, 'It won't do anything for his condition, but it’ll keep the sheets off his
legs.'


Thank you, View.

Tuesday, 29 May 2012

Fighting boredom...

Mrsgunka sent me this funny video:



Thank you, Mrsgunka.

Sunday, 27 May 2012

Best friends

MD sent me this heartwarming story. Thank you, MD.

Lily is a Great Dane that has been blind since a bizarre medical condition required that she have both eyes removed. For the last 5 years, Madison, another Great Dane, has been her sight. The two are, of course, inseparable.





Saturday, 26 May 2012

Murphy's hat

Thank you for this Irish gem, Mrsgunka.

Murphy showed up at mass one Sunday and the priest almost fell down when he saw him. He'd never been to church in his life. After mass, the priest caught up with him and said,

"Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to come to mass. What made ya come?"

Murphy said, "I got to be honest with you Father, a while back, I misplaced me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like mine and I knew he came to church every Sunday. I also knew that he had to take off his hat during mass and figured he would leave it in the back of church. So, I was going to leave after communion and steal McGlynn's hat."


The priest said, "Well, Murphy, I notice that ya didn't steal McGlynn's hat. What changed your mind?"

Murphy replied, "Well, after I heard your sermon on the Ten Commandments I decided that I didn't need to steal McGlynn's hat after all."

With a tear in his eye the priest gave Murphy a big smile and said, "After I talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Steal' ya decided you would rather do without your hat than burn in hell, eh?"


Murphy slowly shook his head. "No, Father, after ya talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' I remembered where I left me hat."

Friday, 25 May 2012

Shall we dance?

I saw this photo on Facebook. I think it's beautiful (if a bit sad), and the caption quite accurate.

We build too many walls and not enough bridges

Thursday, 24 May 2012

36-in-1

View_From_Here sent me an e-mail showing the contrasts between men and women. It was quite long, with loads of pictures. One item was particularly funny, and here it is:


I'll post other bits at a later date. Thank you, View.

Wednesday, 23 May 2012

If animals could talk...

Sleuth is a big fan of the Icanhascheezburger site, posting some very funny pictures in the comments. So I was tempted to take a dip over there and found some good captions that made me chuckle. Here's a small selection:






Monday, 21 May 2012

Beach fashion

Mrsgunka has many friends with a fine sense of humour and receives countless hilarious e-mails. I'm glad our Mrsgunka is quick to click the forward button so I can share them with you! Thank you, MrsG.

When I was young, in the 1950's, 60's & 70's, the bathing suit for the mature figure was boned, trussed and reinforced, not so much sewn as engineered. They were built to hold back and uplift, and they did a good job. 


Today's stretch fabrics are designed for the prepubescent girl with a figure carved from a potato chip.

The mature woman has a choice, she can either go up front to the maternity department and try on a floral suit with a skirt, coming away looking like a hippopotamus that escaped from Disney's Fantasia, or she can wander around every run-of-the-mill department store trying to make a sensible choice from what amounts to a designer range of fluorescent rubber bands.


What choice did I have? I wandered around, made my sensible choice and entered the chamber of horrors known as the fitting room. The first thing I noticed was the extraordinary tensile strength of the stretch material. The Lycra used in bathing costumes was developed, I believe, by NASA to launch small rockets from a slingshot, which gives the added bonus that if you manage to actually lever yourself into one, you would be protected from shark attacks. Any shark taking a swipe at your passing midriff would immediately suffer whiplash.

I fought my way into the bathing suit, but as I twanged the shoulder strap in place I gasped in horror, my boobs had disappeared!

Eventually, I found one boob cowering under my left armpit. It took a while to find the other. At last I located it flattened beside my seventh rib.

The problem is that modern bathing suits have no bra cups. The mature woman is now meant to wear her boobs spread across her chest like a speed bump. I realigned my speed bump and lurched toward the mirror to take a full view assessment.

The bathing suit fit all right, but unfortunately it only fitted those bits of me willing to stay inside it. The rest of me oozed out rebelliously from top, bottom and sides. I looked like a lump of Playdoh wearing undersized cling wrap.

As I tried to work out where all those extra bits had come from, the prepubescent sales girl popped her head through the curtain, "Oh, there you are," she said, admiring the bathing suit.

I replied that I wasn't so sure and asked what else she had to show me. I tried on a cream crinkled one that made me look like a lump of masking tape, and a floral two-piece that gave the appearance of an oversized napkin in a serving ring.

I struggled into a pair of leopard-skin bathers with ragged frills and came out looking like Tarzan's Jane, pregnant with triplets and having a rough day.

I tried on a black number with a midriff fringe and looked like a jellyfish in mourning.


I tried on a bright pink pair with such a high cut leg I thought I would have to wax my eyebrows to wear them.


Finally, I found a suit that fit, it was a two-piece affair with a shorts-style bottom and a loose blouse-type top. It was cheap, comfortable, and bulge-friendly, so I bought it. My ridiculous search had a successful outcome, I figured.

When I got it home, I found a label that read, "Material might become transparent in water."

So, if you happen to be on the beach or near any other body of water this year and I'm there too, I'll be the one in cut-off jeans and a T-shirt!

Sunday, 20 May 2012

A case of what???

Here's a short and sweet, courtesy of View_From_Here:


Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, 'I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent.'

'Thank God,' said an elderly nun at the back. 'I'm so tired of chardonnay.'


Thank you, View.

Saturday, 19 May 2012

Sightseeing in the Correze

Well, my sister left for Paris this morning and will fly back to Miami tomorrow. The house feels very empty and quiet, with the cats looking at us with "question mark" faces.

I'm very lucky to have such a wonderful sister and we'll miss her very much.

The weather was very nice, apart from one dismal rainy day, so it was quite good for sightseeing. Dora (don't call her the explorer!) took some very nice photos. Living in this part of France is like living in a postcard, we're very, very fortunate!

Tulle

Tulle

Treignac

Treignac

Treignac

Treignac

Treignac

Collonges-la-Rouge

Collonges-la-Rouge

Meyssac

Le Lonzac

Le Lonzac

Arnac-Pompadour

Arnac-Pompadour

Beaulieu-sur-Dordogne

Beaulieu-sur-Dordogne

Beaulieu-sur-Dordogne

Beaulieu-sur-Dordogne

Lestards

Lestards