This is hilarious.
"How do you like the i-Pad I gave you, Dad?"
Thursday, 15 March 2012
A pirate walked into a bar...
I have to share this joke. Both View_From_Here and Tumbleweed sent it to me, it's quite funny.
A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said,
"Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible."
"What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."
"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
"Well," said the pirate, "We were in a battle, and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now."
The bartender replied, "Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?"
The pirate explained, "We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook but I'm fine, really."
"What about that eye patch?"
"Oh," said the pirate, "One day we were at sea, and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up, and one of them shit in my eye."
"You're kidding," said the bartender. "You couldn't lose an eye just from bird shit."
"It was my first day with the hook."
Thank you, TW and View.
A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said,
"Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible."
"What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."
"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
"Well," said the pirate, "We were in a battle, and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now."
The bartender replied, "Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?"
The pirate explained, "We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook but I'm fine, really."
"What about that eye patch?"
"Oh," said the pirate, "One day we were at sea, and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up, and one of them shit in my eye."
"You're kidding," said the bartender. "You couldn't lose an eye just from bird shit."
"It was my first day with the hook."
Thank you, TW and View.
Labels:
funnies
Wednesday, 14 March 2012
Quick song
We've been out all day and I didn't have time to look through my e-mails for contributions, so here's a quick song. The Coral is a young British band that had a hit and apparently disappeared. Perhaps it's me. I don't follow the pop scene very closely, but I like this song. It was in the soundtrack of an old favourite TV series called Teachers. That's long finished...
Labels:
music
Tuesday, 13 March 2012
What is sex?
Here's a nice little joke from Mrsgunka:
An 8-year-old girl went to her grandfather, who was working in the
yard and asked him, "Grampa, what is sex?"
The grandfather was surprised that she would ask such a question, but
decided that if she's old enough to know to ask the question, then
she's old enough to get a straight answer. Steeling himself to leave
nothing out, he proceeded to tell her all about human reproduction and
the joys and responsibilities of intercourse.
When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with
her mouth hanging open, eyes wide in amazement.
Seeing the look on her face, the grandfather asked her, "Why did you
ask this question, honey?"
The little girl replied, "Grandma says that dinner will be ready in
just a couple of secs."
Thank you, Mrsgunka.
An 8-year-old girl went to her grandfather, who was working in the
yard and asked him, "Grampa, what is sex?"
The grandfather was surprised that she would ask such a question, but
decided that if she's old enough to know to ask the question, then
she's old enough to get a straight answer. Steeling himself to leave
nothing out, he proceeded to tell her all about human reproduction and
the joys and responsibilities of intercourse.
When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with
her mouth hanging open, eyes wide in amazement.
Seeing the look on her face, the grandfather asked her, "Why did you
ask this question, honey?"
The little girl replied, "Grandma says that dinner will be ready in
just a couple of secs."
Thank you, Mrsgunka.
Labels:
funnies
Monday, 12 March 2012
Big heart
View_From_Here sent me a lawyer joke but I tweaked it to make it a bit more topical...
One afternoon, Mitt Romney was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the road-side eating grass.
Curious, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate.
He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"
"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."
"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," said Mitt.
"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, eating the grass under that tree."
"Bring them along," Romney replied.
Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You may come with us, also."
The second man, in a pitiful voice, said, "But sir, I also have a wife and six children with me!"
"Bring them all as well," said Romney.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine.
Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to Romney and said,
"Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.”
Mitt replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place.The grass is almost a foot high."
Thank you, View.
One afternoon, Mitt Romney was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the road-side eating grass.
Curious, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate.
He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"
"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."
"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," said Mitt.
"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, eating the grass under that tree."
"Bring them along," Romney replied.
Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You may come with us, also."
The second man, in a pitiful voice, said, "But sir, I also have a wife and six children with me!"
"Bring them all as well," said Romney.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine.
Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to Romney and said,
"Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.”
Mitt replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place.The grass is almost a foot high."
Thank you, View.
Labels:
funnies
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