Saturday, 4 February 2012

Abbott, Costello & Computers

Linda1961 just sent me this, which came from her mom. Computers are really great, especially the internet... Thank you, Linda.


If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, 'Who's on First?' might have turned out something like this:

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows.. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows..

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue 'W'.

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue 'w' if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(A few days later)

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT: Click on 'START'.............

Thursday, 2 February 2012

One for the ladies

Shapeshifterbelly requested this video:

As a favour to me, when the David Beckham underwear commercial for the Super Bowl is made available online, would you post it to your blog? It made this old lady's heart skip a beat.

Yum!!



I must confess that Beckham does nothing for me. It must be the squeaky voice...

So true...

Wednesday, 1 February 2012

Pilots v Mechanics

We haven't had a "funny" in a while. Here's one from Mrsgunka's collection:

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.

The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour...


Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a "P") and the solutions recorded by the maintenance engineers (marked with an "S").

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
*
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
*
P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
*
P: Dead bugs on wind shield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
*
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
*
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
*
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
*
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
*
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode..
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
*
P: Suspected crack in wind shield.
S: Suspect you're right.
*
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search
*
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
*
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
*
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
*
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

Thank you, Mrsgunka.

Tuesday, 31 January 2012

Seriously cheeky

Here's another little gem, via View_From_Here:



Thank you, View.

Monday, 30 January 2012

Fun food

We had a busy day today, so here's a quick post. Who knew food could be so much fun?








There are more pictures HERE.

Sunday, 29 January 2012

Cute

Sleuth sent me this video and added a comment: "I almost needed insulin to watch this!"



I agree, Sleuth. It's very sweet. Thank you.

Saturday, 28 January 2012

Winter, snow and driving


We had some snow this morning and it was very pretty. Then I remembered a video View_From_Here sent me. I hope we don't have the same problems when we have to drive somewhere...



Thank you, View. You're lucky not to have to face snowy winters!

Friday, 27 January 2012

Healing foods

Guest post by 1smartcanerican

"Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food" ~ Hippocrates


This quote popped up so many times in my search for healing protocols for my sister once she was diagnosed with breast cancer... I had already been walking down this road for the last decade or so, but the journey became more critical with K's news and now I'm running to ensure that she gets cured with as little harm as possible to her body during this process.

I actually started looking into taking responsibility for my own health much longer ago when a friend and I took a multi-class course on herbs and their healing qualities through the local community college. It was interesting and I pretty much left it there. She, however, continued on in her studies and has since become a true healer, providing soothing relief to people transitioning at hospice centers in the area. She also jump-started my search for natural cancer cures by loaning me three books by Bill Henderson. There are lots of info to peruse at his website, if you wish.

I included this link because it is specific to Bill Henderson's information. However, below I've recommended googling other protocols because there are many sites relating to each item and you should choose the one that suits you personally.

After reading Bill Henderson's books, we decided to start with the Budwig Protocol, which is basically a mixture of organic, low fat (2% or less) cottage cheese thoroughly blended with flaxseed oil. Once this mixture is smooth and creamy with no oil showing, fruit, nuts, greens can be added to make either a yoghurt-style dish or as a base for a smoothie.


From the Gerson Therapy, we have added Hippocrates Special Soup, to be eaten twice a day and made fresh every two days. This is a wonderful, clean tasting soup that everyone in my home enjoys. It is taken prior to lunch and dinner, not in place of either meal. It is only vegetables cooked slowly in filtered water, no seasonings other than the vegetables. My husband takes a thermos each day for lunch.

Finally, we have eliminated all dairy, meat, fish, eggs, and (gluten) grains from our diet and turned to fresh fruits and vegetables and whole foods. We also are not eating "white foods" - white rice (although Arborio rice for risotto is okay), white potatoes (with a few exceptions here), white bread, white flour. I am using items made with ancient grains, ie: spelt, einkorn, faro, emmer as these are quite different from the grains we grow and consume today.

My husband has decided to join me on this journey now that he reviewed the results of his latest blood tests taken at my insistence. I was very concerned that his doctor had not contacted him regarding these results, but he called last week and asked that my husband schedule another set of tests within two weeks. Now my husband wants to follow my lead and get excellent results by the end of next week! I think he may be asking a bit much, but really glad that he got this scare as it was necessary to get his attention that his health is going downhill on his current nutritional plan.

I read "The China Study" by T. Colin Campbell et al many years ago and even with push back on the study by others, I find the underlying premise that diet makes the difference in our health too significant to ignore. His findings are mirrored by many other alternative medical practitioners. There are many names that appear consistently through the literature and documentaries on alternative therapies: Budwig, Gerson, Campbell, Dr. Esselstyn, Michael Pollan are just a few examples.

There are a number of great movies/documentaries that focus on nutritional as the difference between health and illness. I'd recommend these:

· Forks Over Knives
· The Engine 2 Kitchen Rescue (related to Forks Over Knives)
· Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead
· Food, Inc.
· Vegecation (this one will turn one off meat quickly!)
· King Corn

There are many more that will pop up when you look for these documentaries. Since I am an Amazon Prime member (free 2-day shipping on many items), I can stream many of these movies for free over my computer and over my TV using a wireless-ready TV or DVD player. It works well but is limited to the US only I believe.

I've read so many books and viewed so many documentaries, that it tends to get a bit jumbled in my mind, but another whole food, plant based guru recommends that "if it had a mommy and daddy and has a face", then one should not eat it.

I have lost quite a bit of weight over the last year while NOT sticking closely to this plan, but the weight is coming off again now that I am focusing on salads, green juices, fruit smoothies (no milk products, I use hemp milk as my milk of choice these days), Hippocrates soup, and any whole food with an emphasis on vegetables as fruits are high in natural sugars.

I mostly miss good cheddar cheese but I am allowing myself the occasional banned food to satisfy my food soul, thus placating myself. I refuse to feel guilty as I do get back on my plan immediately after.


There is so much to learn here but it is so much easier with the access we have to this information through the internet. I never could have done this research using just the library unless I planned to move into our library! I am thankful daily for the internet and the connections that it has created in my life, not only to change my health but more importantly, to have new friends to share my thoughts with. What a wonderful gift and how kind of Regina to open this "home" to us.

[Thank you, 1smartcanerican. ]

Thursday, 26 January 2012

Oh deer!

This is a nice story from Alaska. Sometimes salmon jump into boats, but this is a bit different...

Tom Satre told the Sitka Gazette that he was out with a charter group on his 62-foot fishing vessel when four juvenile black-tailed deer swam directly toward his boat.


"Once the deer reached the boat, the four began to circle the boat, looking directly at us. We could tell right away that the young bucks were distressed. I opened up my back gate and we helped the typically skittish and absolutely wild animals onto the boat. In all my years fishing, I've never seen anything quite like it! Once onboard, they collapsed with exhaustion, shivering."


"This is a picture I took of the rescued bucks on the back of my boat, the Alaska Quest. We headed for Taku Harbour . Once we reached the dock, the first buck that we had been pulled from the water hopped onto the dock, looked back as if to say 'thank you' and disappeared into the forest. After a bit of prodding and assistance, two more followed, but the smallest deer needed a little more help."


My daughter, Anna, and son, Tim, helped the last buck to its feet. We didn't know how long they had been in the icy waters or if there had been others who did not survive. My daughter later told me that the experience was something that she would never forget, and I suspect the deer felt the same way as well!"



Arizona, Brewer and books


Arizona lawmakers banned schools in the state from teaching "ethnic studies" classes. Unless public schools canceled classes that included racial and ethnic themes, the state could block schools from receiving millions of dollars in critical classroom funding.

But Arizona state officials pushed one school district too far: Tucson Unified School District not only cancelled its vibrant ethnic studies classes, but also banished any book that dealt with "race or oppression."

As a result, students and teachers say dozens of books -- including Shakespeare's The Tempest -- can no longer be taught in class, and some have even been removed from classrooms and locked up in school storage.

The literary purgatory of Tucson's school storage facilities now contains dozens of books that have race as a central theme. In addition to the boxed-up books about Chicano and Mexican American history and literature, classics by authors like Thoreau, Shakespeare and Atwood are seen as too controversial by school officials.

Please sign the petition:

Tucson School Board: Don't lock up knowledge, return books to students now!

*****

I suppose "ethnic bashing" is OK, so Jan Brewer's book is safe from the ban...


SB 1070, the bill that authorizes local law enforcement to question persons suspected of being illegal aliens, was signed by Governor Jan Brewer. She goes on and on and on about it in her book "Scorpions for Breakfast: My Fight Against Special Interests, Liberal Media, and Cynical Politicos to Secure America's Border," ghostwritten by one Jessica Gavora, who also penned "America by Heart: Reflections on Family, Faith and Flag" for Sarah Palin.

Apparently, President Obama didn't like Brewer's book. I read several excerpts on Amazon and I don't blame him. It's atrocious!

Wednesday, 25 January 2012

Australia Day

The timing of this post may seem strange. Most of us are way behind Australia and this post celebrates Australia Day. It had to go up before our friends down under end their celebrations and move on...

I had invaluable help from a good Australian friend, who sent me copious links to some great videos. Today we pay tribute to one of the most ancient cultures on the planet, the Aboriginal People of Australia (40,000 years and counting!).

Artist: Kaapa Tjampitjimpa

According to their culture, the world dates from a time called the Dream Time and they sang about being every living and non-living thing in the world. They would inhabit every creature and every rock.





We have a lot to learn from these peaceful, gentle and very resourceful people. They mastered their environment while preserving it, without disturbing the natural harmony in the world around them.


We start the celebrations with a couple of dances:





And continue with two beautiful songs by an extremely talented musician, blind from birth: Geoffrey Gurrumul Yunupingu.





We also remember some Aboriginal Australians who made their country very proud:

Evonne Goolagong, winner, Wimbledon, 1971

And again in 1982

Cathy Freeman, gold medal in Sydney, 2000 Olympic Games (400m)

Lionel Rose, first Aboriginal Australian to become a world champion boxer

Lionel loved boxing and music


Happy Australia Day!

A taste of heaven

A month ago we discovered that our local supermarket sells wild smoked salmon from Alaska. It looked much darker than the Scottish smoked salmon we normally buy and the slices seemed less delicate, much thicker... but we were curious, so we bought a packet.

A few packets later, I don't think we can go back to the anemic, almost transparent slices of farmed North Atlantic smoked salmon. Now we understand why they make such a fuss about salmon in the last frontier!

As a proper gourmet cat, Pirouette wholeheartedly agrees!


[I have another post coming up later. It's a celebration!]

Tuesday, 24 January 2012

His and hers poems


Tumbleweed sent me these poems:

A WOMAN'S POEM
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks..
I pray he's rich and self-employed,
And when I spend, won't be annoyed.
Pull out my chair and hold my hand..
Massage my feet and help me stand.
Oh send a king to make me queen.
A man who loves to cook and clean.
I pray this man will love no other.
And relish visits with my mother.

A MAN'S POEM
I pray for a deaf-mute gymnast nymphomaniac with
big knockers who owns a bar on a golf course,
and loves to send me drinking & gambling. This
doesn't rhyme and I don't care.

*****

Thank you, Tumbleweed.

Monday, 23 January 2012

Squeaking?

Oh, Mrsgunka!



Thank you, Mrsgunka, very funny!

Saturday, 21 January 2012

Beautiful and useful



This beautiful thing has practical applications. Here are some examples:

Electronic devices
Ferrofluids are used to form liquid seals around the spinning drive shafts in hard disks. The rotating shaft is surrounded by magnets. A small amount of ferrofluid, placed in the gap between the magnet and the shaft, will be held in place by its attraction to the magnet. The fluid of magnetic particles forms a barrier which prevents debris from entering the interior of the hard drive.

Aerospace
NASA has experimented using ferrofluids in a closed loop as the basis for a spacecraft's attitude control system. A magnetic field is applied to a loop of ferrofluid to change the angular momentum and influence the rotation of the spacecraft.

Medicine
In medicine, ferrofluids are used as contrast agents for magnetic resonance imaging and can be used for cancer detection. The ferrofluids are in this case composed of iron oxide nanoparticles and called SPION, for "Superparamagnetic Iron Oxide Nanoparticles."

There is also much experimentation with the use of ferrofluids in an experimental cancer treatment called magnetic hyperthermia. It is based on the fact that a ferrofluid placed in an alternating magnetic field releases heat.

(Music: Gluck's Dance of the Spirits, from Orfeo et Euridice)