The cuckoo clock

Somebody sent me this joke, but the e-mail address didn't ring any bells, so I have no username to give a hat tip. Thank you, R/M D, this is very funny!

The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls.'

I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!'

Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.

Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.

Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times.

I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when totally smashed.... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals = 12 cuckoos MIDNIGHT!)

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him 'MIDNIGHT'... he didn't seem pissed off in the least.

Whew, I got away with that one! Then he said, 'We need a new cuckoo clock.'

When I asked him why, he said, “Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said 'oh shit.' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted!”

Cinema Paradiso

This is an old favourite of mine. I hope you'll enjoy it too.

How to make babies

Mrsgunka brings us another good laugh:

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said,

'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon.'

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'

'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'

'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my speciality?'

'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat!

After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'

'Leave everything to me... I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'

'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'

'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'

'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.

'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'

'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.

'Oh, my God!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with..'

'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.

'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look'

'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh... equipment?'

'It's true, Ma'am, yes... Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away...'

'Tripod?'

'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'

Mrs. Smith fainted...

Thank you, Mrsgunka!

2nd Amendment Christmas in Arizona

I read this on the Daily Mail:

A gun club in Scottsdale, Arizona, is inviting children to pose for pictures with Santa Claus – and a high-powered firearm. Each family member carries their choice of weapon, from pistols to $80,000 machine guns.

Children and babies can also get their hands on a firearm of their choice, including grenade launchers, assault rifles and AK-47s.

The picture, taken against a festive backdrop, will then feature on a holiday card. Afterwards, the families get a chance to test out the machine guns.

‘We thought it would be a fun, family-friendly idea,’ Katie Perrine from the club said ahead of the event’s launch.

Yes... high powered assault weapons make Christmas special for fun-loving families. An AK-47 is a true symbol of love and a festive card with the whole family sporting guns is a great way to celebrate the birth of Jesus!

As we say in Europe, it could only happen in America...

Protect Children, Not Guns

If pigs could fly...

My friend Dominique sent me this sweet video and I had to share it with you. After all, we're partial to cute piggies...

Bored husband

View_From_Here sent me a very funny e-mail:

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.

Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:

Dear Mrs. Harris,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behaviour and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels on his chest.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, he yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a
fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

15. Took a box of condoms to the check out clerk and asked where the fitting room was?

And last, but not least:

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.'


Thank you, View.

Real life surrealism in Antarctica

We've been watching a remarkable series on the BBC, called Frozen Planet. A couple of nights ago we saw this incredible footage. The landscape under the ice in Antarctica can only be described as surreal. As I watched, I kept thinking that it would be great to share it with you. Thanks to youtube, my wish was granted:



The BBC website explains the phenomenon and how it was filmed:

With timelapse cameras, specialists recorded salt water being excluded from the sea ice and sinking.

The temperature of this sinking brine, which was well below 0C, caused the water to freeze in an icy sheath around it.

Where the so-called "brinicle" met the sea bed, a web of ice formed that froze everything it touched, including sea urchins and starfish.

The unusual phenomenon was filmed for the first time by cameramen Hugh Miller and Doug Anderson for the BBC One series Frozen Planet.

The icy phenomenon is caused by cold, sinking brine, which is more dense than the rest of the sea water. It forms a brinicle as it contacts warmer water below the surface.

Mr Miller set up the rig of timelapse equipment to capture the growing brinicle under the ice at Little Razorback Island, near Antarctica's Ross Archipelago.

"It was a bit of a race against time because no-one really knew how fast they formed," said Mr Miller.

"The one we'd seen a week before was getting longer in front of our eyes... the whole thing only took five, six hours."

Happy Thanksgiving

A very happy Thanksgiving to all What Time friends. Peter joins me in wishing you a great time with your loved ones. It's not a good time to be a turkey...

Plastic bottle virtuoso

Oh my gosh

The woman explains:

Mommy was not feeling well and had to stay in the bathroom longer than usual during which my two boys, ages 1 and 3 took my new bag of flour out of the cupboard and destroyed my house. This is from ONE 5lb bag. Don't believe me? Hand a full bag to a 3 year old and see what happens.

Pepper Spraying Cop

Moseyon pointed to some Daily Kos diaries featuring the pepper spray cop photoshopped into various pictures and Sleuth sent me some links. Here are the original photos and a small selection of the creative work of several people on the internet:

There are loads of other pictures on Daily Kos and Tmblr.

Thank you, Moseyon and Sleuth.

Mushroom and goat's cheese strudel

It's time to bring over another recipe from the food blog. This one was sent in by Texasgal2009. It looks scrumptious!

[This recipe came from a well-known chef in Dallas who made it on a morning TV show. I't very easy to make.]

INGREDIENTS

¼ cup olive oil
3 peeled shallots, minced
1 bay leaf
2 pounds of shiitakes or mixed mushrooms, chopped
1/2 cup sherry
2 tbls unsalted butter
2 to 3 cloves peeled garlic, minced
salt and pepper to taste
2 tbls fresh thyme, chopped
1 bunch of chives, sliced thin
1 cup chevre or other goat cheese, crumbled
1 sheet puff pastry, thawed
1 beaten egg with small amount of water

PREPARATION

Preheat oil in a medium sauté pan over medium heat.
Add shallots and bay leaf.
Cook until shallots are translucent but not browned.
Add mushrooms and brown evenly. Stir.
Allow moisture of mushroom to be released and juices to reduce.
To deglaze the pan, add sherry and scrape up any browned bits.
Add butter and garlic. cook until garlic aroma is strong.
Add salt and pepper to taste along with the fresh thyme and chives.
Remove bay leaf.
Place mixture on a sheet pan and refrigerate to cool.
Once completely cool, remove from refrigerator and mix together with cheese.
Preheat oven to 425 degrees F.
Place puff pastry sheet on work surface. Place mushroom mixture off-center lengthwise down the pastry. Brush egg wash around perimeter of the dough.
Fold long edges, overlapping, over the filling. Flip or roll strudel so the seam is on the bottom. Seal short ends by folding under or pinching.
Place on lightly oiled baking sheet.
Bake until golden brown, about 20 minutes. Rotate pan halfway through the baking process. Cool before slicing.

Not to be missed

Whatever internet travels you have planned for today, please schedule a stop at Sleuth's blog and listen to an excellent video that should be compulsory listening for all GOP candidates and for "you know who" also, too.

Men and their imaginative ideas

Mrsgunka sent me a load of photos that show men at their most creative. The last picture prompted mrsgunka to ask: "Is that Austin on the cooler-scooter?" It must be the cowboy hat...

Thank you, Mrsgunka.

Grandma...

Linda1961 sent me this hilarious e-mail:

Grandma is ninety-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes:

Dear Granddaughter,

The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a 'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker.

I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting.

So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.

Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed.

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed.

It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed.

I found that lots of people love Jesus!

While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, '

For the love of God!' 'Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!'

What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!

Everyone started honking!

I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people.

I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love! 

There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach.

I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.

I asked my teenage great-grandson in the back seat what that meant.

He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.

Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii , so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back.

My great-grandson burst out laughing.

Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.

I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.

So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on through the intersection.

I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared.

So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!!

Will write again soon,

Love,

Grandma

Thank you for the laugh, Linda.

Good bye to a dear friend

Peter and I would like to pay tribute to a good friend who died suddenly a few days ago. Sara was married to Ross MacManus, Elvis Costello's father (from a previous marriage). The family is very musical. Ross sang and played the trumpet with the Joe Loss Orchestra. Sara and Ross's four sons formed a band and tried to follow in Costello's footsteps. They performed traditional Irish songs and other types of music in pubs around Twickenham, but as they grew older and got married, the band fizzled out. One of the brothers, Ronan, still performs as a solo artist and the following song is very poignant.



Sara was a warm, larger than life, very funny woman.

Good bye, Sara. We'll miss you. Thank you for filling our lives with love and laughter since we met you fifteen years ago.

Special photos of a special bird

Spike sent me these stunning photographs of an albino hummingbird, snapped by fifteen-year-old Marlin Shank in Staunton, VA. Spike wrote:

How lucky was the guy that grabbed these shots? I'd love to be able to just SEE one feeding in my flower beds. We get several that come thru every spring & fall. But I've never seen an albino. The pic with the red rose is outstanding. Enjoy, Spike.

[Click HERE to see more photos.]

Thank you Spike, what a beautiful creature!