Amy sent us a link where these photos may be found. I absolutely love watermelon, but I'm not sure I would wear it... Thank you, Amy.
Sunday, 11 August 2013
Saturday, 10 August 2013
Friday, 9 August 2013
Take it easy Doc... You're boldly going where no man has gone before
Mrsgunka sent me this hilarious account of a colonoscopy. Thank you, MrsG.
ABOUT THE WRITER: Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami Herald.
Colonoscopy Journal:
I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy.
A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis .
Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner.
I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'
I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America 's enemies..
I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous.
Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor.
Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons). Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.
The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose, watery bowel movement may result.'
This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.
MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but, have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch?This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.
After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep.
The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.
At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked..
Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep..
At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.
When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point..
Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand.
There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be the least appropriate.
'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me..
'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.
I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood.
Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that It was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.
On the subject of Colonoscopies...
Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous..... A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:
1. Take it easy Doc... You're boldly going where no man has gone before.
2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'
3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'
4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?'
5. 'You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married.'
6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'
7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...'
8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'
9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!'
10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'
11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?'
12. 'God, now I know why I am not gay.'
And the best one of all:
13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?'
ABOUT THE WRITER: Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami Herald.
Colonoscopy Journal:
I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy.
A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis .
Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner.
I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'
I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America 's enemies..
I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous.
Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor.
Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons). Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.
The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose, watery bowel movement may result.'
This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.
MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but, have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch?This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.
After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep.
The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.
At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked..
Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep..
At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.
When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point..
Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand.
There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be the least appropriate.
'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me..
'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.
I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood.
Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that It was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.
On the subject of Colonoscopies...
Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous..... A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:
1. Take it easy Doc... You're boldly going where no man has gone before.
2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'
3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'
4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?'
5. 'You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married.'
6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'
7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...'
8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'
9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!'
10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'
11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?'
12. 'God, now I know why I am not gay.'
And the best one of all:
13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?'
Labels:
funnies
Thursday, 8 August 2013
Wednesday, 7 August 2013
Cool world
Shapeshifterbelly sent me THIS LINK, where there are many other cool pictures. Merci, SSB. This is a screenshot of the site and I hope there aren't any copyright issues...
Labels:
interesting
Tuesday, 6 August 2013
More storms
Here's a quick post, as there are storms brewing... again!
These hippos look very sweet and harmless, but they are very dangerous animals.
These hippos look very sweet and harmless, but they are very dangerous animals.
Monday, 5 August 2013
Mid-life crisis
On my 25th wedding anniversary, I was in the grip of a mid-life crisis and told my wife:
"Darling, 25 years ago, we had a small old car, a tiny apartment, we slept in a sofa-bed and watched TV on a 14" black-and-white set. But every night I went to bed with a hot 25-year-old blonde."
I continued:
"Now we have a mansion, two Mercedes, a king-size bed and a 50" plasma TV. But I go to bed with a 50-year-old, grey haired woman. It seems to me that you're the one who's not evolving."
My wife, a very sensible woman, replied:
"I don't see a problem. You should leave home and find a hot 25-year-old woman who would like to go to bed with you. It would be my pleasure to make sure that you will, once again, drive a small old car, live in a tiny apartment, sleep in a sofa-bed and watch a small black-and-white TV..."
My mid-life crisis was cured immediately. Nothing beats the wisdom of a mature woman!
Labels:
jokes
Sunday, 4 August 2013
Há caracóis
Dora arrived in Lisbon at 5 am and I arrived at the hotel around 2:30 pm. The room wasn't ready when she arrived, so she left her luggage at the reception and went out for a walk. She noticed many restaurants, bars and cafes displaying these signs, which mean "We have snails."
She told me about it and we were intrigued... were these caracóis similar to the famous French escargots? We decided we had to try them. We asked about caracóis everywhere. The answer was invariably that they had them but they were finished, we could try again in a couple of hours. On the last evening, we were walking in Praça da Figueira, doing some window shopping, when we spotted a restaurant with tables outside. Two women at one of the tables had a pile of empty shells in front of them. Caracóis! We asked them if they had enjoyed them and they said yes, so we sat down and ordered some.
The waiter, who was quite a character, informed us that they HAD some, but we'd have to wait an hour until they were available again. We couldn't leave Lisbon without trying the caracóis, so we ordered a couple of beers and waited. They arrived and looked nothing like escargots. They were tiny and looked like snails fresh from the garden, but in a sauce with some bay leaves.
We didn't know how to eat them, so we asked the waiter. He said that most people picked them out with toothpicks, but he had a different method, and asked if he could pick one of them to show us, we said of course, and he just sucked the critter straight from the shell. We started eating, using both methods. They were delicious, but there were far too many. We ate and ate and ate, but the pile stayed the same... Then a couple sat next to us and we noticed they were American. We started chatting to them.
They were from Saratoga, but had a house in the Algarve, where they had lived for many years. Their daughter was raised in Portugal, but decided to go to university in New York, so now they spend their time between the two countries. We asked them if they liked caracóis, they said yes, and we quickly asked for their help with our perennial pile. I mentioned my blogs and when a certain name came up, they burst out laughing: "What a ridiculous person!"
We had to leave because we had a reservation at another restaurant, but we really enjoyed the caracóis and meeting progressive Anne and Larry.
We had met another American earlier on the trip and he was very different from Anne and Larry. I'll tell you about him some other time.
[All photos are from google images.]
She told me about it and we were intrigued... were these caracóis similar to the famous French escargots? We decided we had to try them. We asked about caracóis everywhere. The answer was invariably that they had them but they were finished, we could try again in a couple of hours. On the last evening, we were walking in Praça da Figueira, doing some window shopping, when we spotted a restaurant with tables outside. Two women at one of the tables had a pile of empty shells in front of them. Caracóis! We asked them if they had enjoyed them and they said yes, so we sat down and ordered some.
The waiter, who was quite a character, informed us that they HAD some, but we'd have to wait an hour until they were available again. We couldn't leave Lisbon without trying the caracóis, so we ordered a couple of beers and waited. They arrived and looked nothing like escargots. They were tiny and looked like snails fresh from the garden, but in a sauce with some bay leaves.
We didn't know how to eat them, so we asked the waiter. He said that most people picked them out with toothpicks, but he had a different method, and asked if he could pick one of them to show us, we said of course, and he just sucked the critter straight from the shell. We started eating, using both methods. They were delicious, but there were far too many. We ate and ate and ate, but the pile stayed the same... Then a couple sat next to us and we noticed they were American. We started chatting to them.
They were from Saratoga, but had a house in the Algarve, where they had lived for many years. Their daughter was raised in Portugal, but decided to go to university in New York, so now they spend their time between the two countries. We asked them if they liked caracóis, they said yes, and we quickly asked for their help with our perennial pile. I mentioned my blogs and when a certain name came up, they burst out laughing: "What a ridiculous person!"
We had to leave because we had a reservation at another restaurant, but we really enjoyed the caracóis and meeting progressive Anne and Larry.
We had met another American earlier on the trip and he was very different from Anne and Larry. I'll tell you about him some other time.
[All photos are from google images.]
Labels:
travel
Saturday, 3 August 2013
Friday, 2 August 2013
Back to normal... but a bit boring!
Today's post is late because we went to Brive to take Dora to the station. Her original ticket was from Uzerche, but she would need to change trains (with only 10 minutes to spare), carrying the luggage from hell (CC knows all about this type of luggage), so we decided to make life easier for her. We have just returned and the house feels very empty. We're going to the beach now because it's very hot.
I'll leave you with photos of last night's dinner.
I'll leave you with photos of last night's dinner.
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| Migas de pan, a Spanish peasant dish |
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| Dora saying cheers and bye bye... |
Thursday, 1 August 2013
Donzenac
There's a medieval extravaganza every year in Donzenac, on the first weekend in August. The residents get dressed in various medieval costumes, ranging from peasants and servants to the landed gentry and aristocrats. There are many stalls all around the village, where they show the popular trades of the time, such as blacksmiths, swordsmiths, falconry, etc. Many musical groups meander through the narrow streets, playing medieval instruments. There's also theatre and singing on the squares. On Saturday they roast a calf (or two) on the spit and have a banquet. On Sunday they serve the leftovers for lunch.
Unfortunately, Dora will return to Miami tomorrow and will miss all the fun. But we went to Donzenac yesterday and enjoyed the village in its natural state, which is better than nothing...
There are slideshows of previous fetes HERE. Just click on the poster of each year and enjoy!
[We attended the fetes on 2007 and 2008. If it's not too hot, we may go and have a look on Sunday.]
Unfortunately, Dora will return to Miami tomorrow and will miss all the fun. But we went to Donzenac yesterday and enjoyed the village in its natural state, which is better than nothing...
There are slideshows of previous fetes HERE. Just click on the poster of each year and enjoy!
[We attended the fetes on 2007 and 2008. If it's not too hot, we may go and have a look on Sunday.]
Labels:
France
Wednesday, 31 July 2013
I can't resist cat humour
We're off to Donzenac for some sightseeing, and as I had saved a couple of funny pictures of cats, that will have to do...
Monday, 29 July 2013
A quick funny picture
There's a storm approaching, so I can't stay connected very long. If another computer gets fried, the insurance company is going to have a fit...
Labels:
funnies
Sunday, 28 July 2013
Lisbon
The trip to Lisbon was incredible! The Portuguese are very hospitable, funny and generous. Lisbon is a beautiful city, with little surprises around every corner. We tried to see as much as possible in four days, but it's a very tall order...
The food is fantastic, but we had to be careful after the first dinner. Somebody recommended a restaurant, praising the sardines, something my sister was very keen to eat. We arrived and there were only a couple of people in the restaurant, and they didn't look very happy. There were no sardines. We ordered some prawn rissoles for starters and they were still frozen in the middle. We sent them back and ordered Bacalhau à Brás. It wasn't too bad, but we had better before... The only nice part of the meal were the desserts. We decided that from then on, we were going to check the atmosphere of the restaurants, watch people's faces, see if they were eating with gusto. All the other meals were really good, it proved to be a good system.
I took my camera, but, for some inexplicable reason, I left it at the hotel for the first two days. Some of the photos were taken with my sister's i-Phone.
We also visited Sintra, about 40 minutes from Lisboa by train. The old kings of Portugal had their summer palaces there. The village is very beautiful and well preserved.
We took a tour on a very old jeep and went to Cascais to get the train back to Lisbon.
The next three photos are of a place called Boca do Inferno (Hell's Mouth). We found it quite dramatic.
I was so impressed with the friendliness of the Portuguese, so taken with the beauty of the country, that I wouldn't mind moving to Portugal...
The food is fantastic, but we had to be careful after the first dinner. Somebody recommended a restaurant, praising the sardines, something my sister was very keen to eat. We arrived and there were only a couple of people in the restaurant, and they didn't look very happy. There were no sardines. We ordered some prawn rissoles for starters and they were still frozen in the middle. We sent them back and ordered Bacalhau à Brás. It wasn't too bad, but we had better before... The only nice part of the meal were the desserts. We decided that from then on, we were going to check the atmosphere of the restaurants, watch people's faces, see if they were eating with gusto. All the other meals were really good, it proved to be a good system.
I took my camera, but, for some inexplicable reason, I left it at the hotel for the first two days. Some of the photos were taken with my sister's i-Phone.
| We had to pose next to Fernando Pessoa, a great Portuguese poet |
| This guy's make-up gave him the appearance of rubber. He would stay suspended like this for hours... |
| Torre de Belem |
| The Jeronimos Monastery |
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| We went to this expensive restaurant for some good food and fado. We got neither... The food was mediocre and the woman couldn't sing to save her life! The guys playing the guitars saved the evening. |
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| Entrance to the Museu do Azulejo (The Portuguese make the most wonderful wall tiles) |
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| We think they took some mind altering substances in the XVIth century... This panel is about the marriage of a hen, organized my a load of monkeys! |
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| The leopard hunt. Please note the second leopard, waiting to look in the mirror. |
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| Castelo de São Jorge |
We also visited Sintra, about 40 minutes from Lisboa by train. The old kings of Portugal had their summer palaces there. The village is very beautiful and well preserved.
We took a tour on a very old jeep and went to Cascais to get the train back to Lisbon.
![]() |
| This is Cabo da Roca. It's the westernmost place in Europe |
![]() |
| Dora has a cheeky smile |
The next three photos are of a place called Boca do Inferno (Hell's Mouth). We found it quite dramatic.
I was so impressed with the friendliness of the Portuguese, so taken with the beauty of the country, that I wouldn't mind moving to Portugal...
Labels:
travel
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