Saturday, 17 March 2012

Happy St Patrick's Day!

There's nothing better than a couple of good Irish jokes to celebrate St Patrick's Day:






Friday, 16 March 2012

i-Pad

This is hilarious.

"How do you like the i-Pad I gave you, Dad?"

Thursday, 15 March 2012

A pirate walked into a bar...

I have to share this joke. Both View_From_Here and Tumbleweed sent it to me, it's quite funny.

A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said,

"Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible."

"What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."


"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."

"Well," said the pirate, "We were in a battle, and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now."

The bartender replied, "Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?"

The pirate explained, "We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook but I'm fine, really."

"What about that eye patch?"

"Oh," said the pirate, "One day we were at sea, and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up, and one of them shit in my eye."

"You're kidding," said the bartender. "You couldn't lose an eye just from bird shit."

"It was my first day with the hook."

Thank you, TW and View.

Wednesday, 14 March 2012

Quick song

We've been out all day and I didn't have time to look through my e-mails for contributions, so here's a quick song. The Coral is a young British band that had a hit and apparently disappeared. Perhaps it's me. I don't follow the pop scene very closely, but I like this song. It was in the soundtrack of an old favourite TV series called Teachers. That's long finished...

Tuesday, 13 March 2012

What is sex?

Here's a nice little joke from Mrsgunka:

An 8-year-old girl went to her grandfather, who was working in the
yard and asked him, "Grampa, what is sex?"









The grandfather was surprised that she would ask such a question, but
decided that if she's old enough to know to ask the question, then
she's old enough to get a straight answer. Steeling himself to leave
nothing out, he proceeded to tell her all about human reproduction and
the joys and responsibilities of intercourse.


When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with
her mouth hanging open, eyes wide in amazement.


Seeing the look on her face, the grandfather asked her, "Why did you
ask this question, honey?"


The little girl replied, "Grandma says that dinner will be ready in
just a couple of secs."


Thank you, Mrsgunka.

Monday, 12 March 2012

Big heart

View_From_Here sent me a lawyer joke but I tweaked it to make it a bit more topical...

One afternoon, Mitt Romney was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the road-side eating grass.


Curious, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate.

He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."


"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," said Mitt.

"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, eating the grass under that tree."

"Bring them along," Romney replied.

Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You may come with us, also."

The second man, in a pitiful voice, said, "But sir, I also have a wife and six children with me!"

"Bring them all as well," said Romney.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine.

Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to Romney and said,

"Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.”


Mitt replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place.The grass is almost a foot high."

Thank you, View.

Sunday, 11 March 2012

Neat ideas

A friend sent me an e-mail with loads of practical ideas. You may have seen them before, but I had to share it because of a discussion on a thread a couple of days ago. It concerns the last item...

Use a straw to hull strawberries

Rub a walnut on furniture scratches

Store folded bedding inside the corresponding pillowcase

Save floorspace by storing wrapping paper on the ceiling

Put a stocking at the end of the vacuum hose to pick up small items

Bread tags are good for labeling cables

Save money - microwave your popcorn in ordinary brown bags

A tension rod makes for a good way to store various cleaning products

Baking yummy cases on an upside down muffin pan

Grow salads and herbs in some guttering

Finally, fold those pesky fitted sheets perfectly!

Saturday, 10 March 2012

Impossible not to go awww....

It is not common for a Koala to bear twins, and regrettably in this instance the Mum was struck and killed by a passing car.

Fortunately, the driver stopped, and took the mother to the local vet, not knowing she was dead, where it was discovered she had these twins in her pouch.

First photo: Tiny koala being fed with syringe … sooo tiny!


Followed by a pictorial chronology of their growth…










Friday, 9 March 2012

Beach heroes

Dragging them desperately by their tails, this is the dramatic moment beachgoers leapt into the sea to save around 30 dolphins from certain death.


The rescuers had been sunning themselves on the Rio de Janeiro coastline in Brazil when the dolphins appeared out of nowhere and suddenly beached en masse.

Initially stunned, the sunbathers soon realise the impending danger and race into the surf as the mammals let out piercing squeals of distress.

As this video shows, they make frantic efforts to grab the animals by the tails to pull them into deeper waters.



And it appears their attempts were successful as all the dolphins were rescued to rapturous cheers from onlookers.


I watched this footage holding my breath and thinking how heavy these dolphins must be. Phew! I'm breathing again...

Thursday, 8 March 2012

Women

Today it's the International Women's Day. Hurrah for all women everywhere!


We like a bit of humour and Tumbleweed sent me a funny e-mail that fits the bill.

Thought you should know that the book "Understanding Women" is now out in paperback.

Here's a picture of the hardback edition:


In the light of recent shenanigans from right wing politicians and pundits in the US, all anti-women, anti-contraception, etc, American women need to have a laugh every now and then. Having a voice and being able to take charge of their own healthcare decisions doesn't make women Feminazis, prostitutes or sluts. On the other hand, men dictating what women can and cannot do with their bodies and making life very difficult for them regarding healthcare make these men "Chauvinistpignazis." It's hard to believe that these men live in the 21st century...

Austin posted this picture in the last thread. It says it all!


Thank you, TW and Austin.

Very brave!

Here's another gem from Mrsgunka:



Thank you for the laugh, Mrsgunka.

Wednesday, 7 March 2012

Good friends

ManxMamma sent me these charming pictures of two unusual friends. The deer visits the cat every morning in a garden in Harrisburg, PA. The owner took the pictures and the story has found its way into the internet...





Thank you, ManxMamma.

Monday, 5 March 2012

This priest never lies...

Tumbleweed sent me this joke:


An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her,


'Father, may I ask a favour?'


'Of course child. What may I do for you?'




'Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Hide it under your robes perhaps?'


'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie.'


'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'


When they got to Customs, she let the priest go first.


The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?'


'From the top of my head down to my waist I have nothing to declare.'



The official thought this answer strange, so asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?'


'I have a marvellous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.'


Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father. Next!'





Thank you, Tumbleweed.

Sunday, 4 March 2012

Married bliss


Peter and I managed to forget our wedding anniversary this year. BOTH of us. But hey, we still love each other!

Saturday, 3 March 2012

Pirouette, at the cutting edge of fashion

Pirouette had her ladybits doctored on Wednesday and after a couple of rough days she felt perky enough to start biting off the stitches. So we made her a little suit to stop her having access to the area. You can see she's not terribly impressed with her outfit. Pirate didn't think much of it either.


C'est la vie, n'est-ce pas?

Friday, 2 March 2012

Tidy up your bedroom!

Peter found this encouraging story:

Like any typical teenager, Ryan Kitching resisted all his mother's attempts to get him to tidy his bedroom.

For two weeks, the 19-year-old turned a deaf ear to all her pleas for him to clear up the mess.

But when he finally gave in and started sifting through the junk, he found a lottery ticket from the February 8 draw. 


And instead of tossing it in the bin, he had it checked - and found it had five winning numbers and a bonus ball.

Suddenly, supermarket worker Ryan, of Penicuik, Midlothian, found himself £52,981 the richer and posted on his Facebook page: 'Special thanks to my mum for putting up with me haha!'

Now he plans to reward his long-suffering mother Susan and father Raymond by arranging for them to go on holiday.


The odds of getting Billy and Paul to keep their rooms tidy were more or less the same as winning the lottery!

Wednesday, 29 February 2012

There's a message underfoot...

This is a cool floor. I wonder if the designer was thinking about the 99%?